


All Right Now

by ScorchedAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Blow Jobs, Caning, Coming Out, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Frottage, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Roleplay, Spanking, Teacher-Student Relationship, Underage Dean, Underage Drinking, irresponsible behaviour, teacher!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 02:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2564939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorchedAngel/pseuds/ScorchedAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean recalls his junior year at high school and his relationship with his Math teacher, Mr Novak, a man who became his friend and mentor and helped him discover his sexuality. Framed by their ten year high school reunion where Dean reveals he had a fling with a teacher back in the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2014 Dean/Cas Big Bang and [THIS](http://cheriiart.livejournal.com/1238.html) is the art by Cheriiart that goes with it (they're fabulous)
> 
> Marked underage because Dean is 16 at the beginning (which is underage where I come from!)
> 
> Dean/Jo is only really in the background.

“Name?”

“Dean Winchester.”

A cheery blonde of about 18 beamed at Dean from behind a desk. She looked down the list of names on her clipboard and ticked off Dean’s right at the bottom. “Welcome back Dean!”

“Thanks,” Dean said awkwardly as the girl wrote his name on a badge and handed it to him.

“This is your itinerary for the weekend and you’ll find your classmates in the ballroom right through that door.” She handed Dean a sheet of paper and pointed to a door behind him. “If you have any questions I’ll be right here all night and your reunion co-ordinators will be on hand to help you.”

Dean smiled and gave her a quick nod. “Thanks sweetheart, uh…”

“Holly,” the girl said, her smile not even flickering. Despite the well-rehearsed spiel, her enthusiasm never wavered. “Have a good time Dean!”

Dean pinned on his name tag before pushing through the door to the ballroom. He couldn’t help cringing to himself as he surveyed the scene before him. Intentionally or not, the room had been decorated exactly like one of their school dances. There was crepe paper and balloons everywhere and while it was clear it had taken a long time to do, it still looked like shit. There was a DJ in the corner playing music that would have been considered retro before Dean even started high school, and there were people standing around in groups throughout the room.

Dean was starting to wonder why he’d even come to this thing. He hadn’t even liked school social evens when he was at school, never mind ten years later. He knew he was probably here for the same reasons as everyone else. Curiosity, letting people see how much you’ve changed and to stop the inevitable gossip if you didn’t go. His mood improved considerably when he saw the bar. He half-heartedly looked around the room for any of his old friends before giving up and heading for the bar.

“Bourbon, neat,” he said to the bartender and gave her a wink.

She smiled politely and poured his drink on the bar in front of him, shaking her head when Dean tool out his wallet. “Open bar.”

“Oh God,” Dean laughed, “Sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

“That’s the idea,” came a voice from behind.

Dean grinned. He’d know that voice anywhere. “Gabe,” he said as he turned around, “You haven’t changed much.” Out of all the friends Dean had in high school, Gabe was the one he’d best kept in touch with. They met every month or so for drinks and Gabe always insisted Dean stay with him when he was in town.

“And look at you! You haven’t aged a day since I last saw you!” Gabe grinned, throwing his arms around Dean.

“You mean this morning?” Dean laughed.

Gabe ordered a Coke and they both went to sit at an empty table. “Seen anyone yet?” Dean asked casually, not thinking of anyone in particular.

“You mean Jo?” Gabe smirked. “You that eager to see what you missed out on?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Dean protested. “But now that you mention it, is she here?”

“Haven’t seen her,” Gabe shrugged.

“Hey, is that who I think it is coming through the door?”

“Woah, I think it is but it’s hard to tell past all that facial hair! Hey Chuck!” Gabe shouted at the man who’d just walked in.

Chuck looked up and made a beeline for their table when he saw them. “Hi guys,” he said with the same toothy smile he’d had in school. “How’s it going?”

“We were just about to discuss Dean’s love life,” Gabe said before Dean could speak.

“No we weren’t,” Dean said, glaring at Gabe. “So Chuck, how’ve you been? I read your column every week, Totally cured my insomnia!”

Chuck rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’ll have you know they’re extremely interesting.”

“I know, I’m just messing with ya,” Dean laughed. “Seriously, I’ve learnt so much about…I want to say science?”

“History,” Chuck said. “You asshole.”

“Any special ladies?” Gabe asked, nudging Dean in the side.

“’Fraid not,” Chuck said. To his credit, he didn’t seem terribly upset about it. “What about you two?”

As if on cue, Jo approached the table. Dean couldn’t help noticing she looked more stunning every time he saw her. “Hi guys. Hi Dean,” she said with a huge grin on her face.

“Hey Jo, it’s so good to see you,” Dean said as he stood up and gave her a hug. “How’ve you been?”

“Great thanks! How about you? I was sorry to hear about your dad.”

“Thanks,” Dean said with a little shrug. “Your mom tells me you’re getting married. Congratulations!”

Jo beamed. “Thanks. He’s a contractor from Kansas City. I’m moving there next month.”

Dean was suddenly distracted from Jo’s story by the song the DJ had started playing. _All Right Now_ by Free. When he saw a dark-haired man walking away from the DJ, he knew it had been at his request.

“Dean, you still with us?” Gabe said loudly, flicking at Dean’s wrist.

“Uh…yeah. Sorry. Just thought I saw someone.” Dean said, watching to see where the man was going.

Gabe followed Dean’s gaze and snorted. “Oh God, you’re not still hung up on out-of-your-league Math teachers are you?”

“Fuck off Gabriel,” Dean said good naturedly. “You’re just jealous.”

Gab narrowed his eyes and got that mischievous look that always made Dean nervous. He stood up and smirked at Dean before shouting, “Hey Mr Novak!” across the room.

“I’m going to kill you,” Dean said through gritted teeth.

“You’re not going to get all shy around him now are you?” Jo laughed.

Dean’s friends had been convinced Dean had a crush on Mr Novak in high school. Ten years later it was no less embarrassing.

Mr Novak approached their table and gave them all a closed-lipped smile. Like everyone else at the reunion, he’d ditched his usual jeans and sweater in favour of a suit. As Dean looked him over, his eyes lingered on the blue tie he was wearing. “Hello everyone. Nice to see you all again. Chuck? Is that you? I hardly recognised you!”

Chuck rolled his eyes. “Was I really _that_ smooth-faced in school?”

Dean locked eyes with Mr Novak as everyone laughed. He gave the man a small smile and looked away when he could take no more of his gaze. “So, uh…I hear you’re still teaching at Lincoln High Mr Novak.”

He gave a small shrug. “I’m like a bad smell!”

“Has it changed much?” Jo asked.

“Not really,” he admitted. “I’m sure you heard Principal Crowley is moving back to the UK this summer.”

“Aww. Hard luck Jo,” Dean joked, giving her a nudge.

“Oh God,” Jo groaned. “Haven’t you got any new jokes by now?”

Cas smiled politely. “I’m glad you were all able to make it. I better go say hello to a few other people, but we’ll catch up later.”

“Good to see you sir,” Gabe said, and everyone hummed in agreement.

As they turned to sit down, Dean took a long sip of his whiskey.

“You okay buddy?” Gabe said quietly.

“Yeah, fine,” Dean lied. “Just need another drink. I’ll be right back.”

 

September 2001

To say the first day of the school year was a drag would have been _mostly_ untrue. Dean liked seeing his classmates again and hearing their stories from the summer. He liked to hear where the other kids had gone on vacation and imagine what it would have been like. His summers were mostly spent helping to take care of Sam while their dad was at work and helping out at uncle Bobby’s garage on weekends. They hadn’t been on vacation since their mom had died when Sam was just a baby.

He liked the promise that came with a new school year. The sports tryouts, new classes, new kids. When Dean was in elementary school they’d moved around a lot. Dean knew what it was like to be the new kid, so he always did his best to say hello and make people feel welcome.

“I can help you find your first class,” he told Charlie, the new girl he’d met in home room. “Let me see your schedule.”

“Oh, wow, thank you,” Charlie said, riffling through her book bag.

Dean managed to pull it out of the side of her diary before she tipped out the entire contents. “Okay, so, you have History first in room 114 which is exactly where I’m heading. Follow me!” He nodded down the corridor and Charlie followed.

They walked to the end of the hall and turned into another locker-lined corridor. Even fifty feet away he spotted Jo at her locker chatting with friends. He had hardly seen her all summer and it was his own fault. He wasn’t allowed to have girls in the house when Dad wasn’t home which was unfortunately, most of the time.

Charlie noticed him staring and asked, “Is she your girlfriend?”

Dean smiled at her. “Yeah, pretty much. That’s Jo.” He wolf-whistled loudly as they walked past causing all her friends to giggle. “I’ll see you in Chemistry later. Gotta get to History,” he called.

“Have fun,” she grinned and turned back to her giggling friends.

Along the way they picked up Chuck, also going to History. Chuck loved History and always said he wanted to be an historian. Dean loved sitting next to him so he knew which notes were important.

“Charlie, Chuck. Chuck, Charlie,” Dean said by way of introduction.

Dean laughed to himself as they shared an awkward wave and “hi”.

Just before they reached the classroom, they fell into step behind a teacher Dean didn’t recognise. Dean gave Chuck a questioning glance but Chuck just shrugged. All three almost collided with him when he stopped abruptly and opened the door to the Math room. As he turned to enter he noticed them for the first time.

Dean tried to open his mouth to say “excuse me,” but nothing was happening. The first class of the year hadn’t even started, but already the man looked worn out and dishevelled. His tie was loosened and hanging back to front and the top button of his shirt was open. He was wearing jeans and a black suit jacket which he’d failed to button up and his hair looked like he’d spent the morning pulling his hand through it.

The man gave them a small smile. “Are you coming in here?”

Dean was so entranced by the man’s deep blue eyes he almost followed him into the room. “No,” Chuck said, “next door.”

The man nodded and pulled the door closed behind him, waking Dean from his trance.

“Who was _that_?” Charlie asked with a grin that Dean didn’t like the look of.

“Must be new,” Dean said with a shrug.

“He seems nice…and dreamy,” she said.

Chuck laughed. “You’re just saying that because he’s a male teacher under thirty.”

She folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at Dean. “He’s dreamy, right?”

Dean laughed and put up his hands in defence. “Hey, he’s not exactly my type, but I guess I can see why a chick might like him.”

Charlie rolled her eyes at him and started walking again. “This way, right?”

A quick look at his timetable told Dean the man’s name was Mr Novak and he had Math with him tomorrow afternoon. Dean hated Math and had hated his old Math teacher. He doubted a new one could make much difference but he was willing to give the guy a chance.

He met up with Jo later that morning in Chemistry where she dumped three phonebook-sized textbooks on the desk and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“I’ve missed you,” she said as she sat down.

Dean felt a wave of guilt. They both knew it was his fault they’d seen so little of each other lately. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around much this summer. With Dad and—“

“Woah babe, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. We were both busy. And hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?”

Dean looked at her with admiration. She was always so positive and he didn’t deserve her. He told her as much, making her blush.

“Well, hey, if you don’t deserve me, what about that new Math teacher?”

Dean snorted, “Oh Jo, not you too!”

“What?” she said, sitting back in her chair. “That man is a thing of beauty.”

“So I keep hearing,” Dean said, “but the big question is, do you think he’s better looking than Principal Crowley?” he added, raising his voice and drawing sniggers from the people surrounding them.

Jo hit him playfully on the arm. “I knew I’d regret telling you that you jerk!”

By the time Dean actually made it to his first Math class the next day, he had heard about Mr Novak’s hotness from at least a dozen different people. As he entered the classroom, Mr Novak was sitting behind his desk, drinking coffee and sorting through his notes. He looked up and smiled as each student entered the room and Dean smiled back. He picked a desk in the middle of the room where he hoped he wouldn’t be noticed and shoved his bag under the desk.

Gabriel had followed him into the room and sat at the desk in front of him. He turned round and gave Dean a grin.

“Hey stranger, where have you been? Didn’t see you much all summer. You missed my party!”

Dean gave him a nod. “Yeah, sorry man. I told my kid brother I’d take him to the movies and for burgers and it was the only time my dad could lend me his car.”

Gabe waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, I know you’re busy. There’ll be other parties. Though I can’t promise girls in bathing suits at all of ‘em!”

When the bell rang, Mr Novak closed the door and took attendance. Dean wondered how he’d failed to notice how deep and gravelly the man’s voice was. No one could possibly have a voice like that naturally.

“Dean Winchester!” the voice said with some impatience. Dean came back to reality to discover half the class and Mr Novak staring at him.

“Oh uh…here!” Dean said, his face reddening.

“Usually people wait for the class to begin before falling asleep Mr Winchester.”

Dean tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach when Mr Novak said his name. “Sorry sir. It won’t happen again.”

Gabe turned round and gave Dean a knowing look. “Dude,” he whispered, “so out of your league.”

Dean huffed out a laugh and kicked the back of Gabe’s chair.

Dean spent the rest of the class staring at Mr Novak’s mouth, totally mesmerised by the voice coming out of it. By the time he was putting his books back in his bag he was starting to think maybe Math this year wouldn’t be so bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

October 2001

Dean had been staying behind after class a lot lately. So maybe he’d wanted to spend a little extra time with Mr Novak because _maybe_ he had a weird crush on the Math teacher. As a result, his grades in Math were the best he’d ever had.

“Sir? Can I just check something with you before I go?” Dean asked, standing in front of Mr Novak’s desk.

He was wearing a blue shirt with an argyle sweater vest. The one Dean thought made him look even more like a Math teacher. The jeans he wore were a complete contrast. “Of course Dean. What’s troubling you?” he replied with a smile.

Dean cleared his throat and placed his open notebook on the desk. “When there’s a letter outside the brackets of a quadratic expression, it applies to all the brackets, right? Not just the first one?”

“I haven’t even covered this in class yet Dean. Have you been reading ahead?”

Dean blushed. Suddenly this didn’t seem like such a good idea. “I was just, uh…excited.”

Mr Novak grinned. “I’m glad I can inspire such enthusiasm.”

If possible, Dean actually flushed harder. He didn’t bother attempting words and just smiled sheepishly.

“Well, you’re correct. The letter outside the parenthesis applies to everything.” Mr Novak gave him an encouraging smile. “I’m glad to see you working so hard. Nothing makes me happier than a student who exceeds expectations.”

“Really?” Dean said with a large smile. “Then I’ll do my best to keep making you happy.”

Mr Novak laughed at that, raising his eyebrows. “Thank you Dean. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dean left the classroom feeling like an idiot. Had he really just said that? He cursed himself under his breath for being so lame. Usually he could hold it together pretty well when he had a crush, but usually his crushes were on girls his own age. This was the first time he’d had a crush on a man. A man who is also a teacher.

At first, he thought he could convince himself it wasn’t a crush, just respect for a teacher who got him interested in a subject he’d never liked. As the weeks went on however, he found himself having some very non-PG daydreams about the man. So he just had to accept it. He was crushing on Mr Novak. He’d neglected to mention it to any of his friends, but somehow Charlie, a girl he’d only known for a month, had called him out on it almost immediately.

He’d caught her staring at him once during an assembly while he may or may not have been staring at Mr Novak standing at the end of their row.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, “I just realised why you’re always staring at Mr Hotty!”

“What? I’m not staring!” he whispered back incredulously.

“Yes you are, as always. I didn’t know you even liked guys!”

“I don’t! Look, can we talk about this later?” Some people around them had started to stare and Dean would have preferred to have the conversation out of Mr Novak’s earshot.

The discussion they’d had later had involved a lot of “it’s perfectly normal” and “it doesn’t change who you are”, but Dean didn’t need to hear it. He knew the crush would pass; they always did.

As Dean rounded the corner to stop by his locker, he heard that deep voice that had become so familiar, calling his name. He turned around to see Mr Novak jogging along the corridor towards him. Dean couldn’t help noticing how much he looked like a runner…

“Dean,” Mr Novak panted when he caught up with him.

“Sir?” Dean asked. He didn’t think he’d forgotten anything.

“I just had an idea I thought you might be interested in,” Mr Novak said, still slightly out of breath.

Dean’s heart raced as his imagination went wild. He managed to get out a squeaky “oh?”

“I volunteer at a drop-in club for local kids where they can hang out and get help with school. I was wondering if you’d be interested in coming and helping them with Math.”

Dean did like that idea. He particularly liked the idea of some extra time with Mr Novak. “I…um…” was all he could get out.

“You don’t have to answer right away, but we’re always looking for volunteers. Plus, I hear you’re doing well in English as well which couldn’t hurt.”

“Okay, I’ll do it!” Dean blurted out, not really giving it much thought. It’s not like he was agreeing to join the army or buy a timeshare. It was volunteering at an after-school club. That was bound to look good on college applications.

“You will?” Mr Novak said, his face lighting up.

“Yeah, sure. Why not?”

Mr Novak took a pen out of his shirt pocket and took Dean’s notebook out of his hand. He scribbled down an address and handed it back to Dean. “This is the address. It’s every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 4pm, but come whenever you can. You’ll have to fill out some forms the first time, but then you’ll be ready to teach some kids.”

Mr Novak’s enthusiasm was apparently rubbing off on Dean. “I’ll be there this afternoon,” he found himself saying.

He was rewarded with another wide grin. “Great! I’ll see you later.”

-o-o-

Dean found himself standing outside the drop-in centre (which looked completely deserted) just before four, clutching his bag and wondering how he’d gotten himself into this. Stupid blue-eyed hypnotist of a Math teacher. He gathered up his courage and pushed open the door.

From the outside, it looked like a disused shop-front, but the inside took Dean completely by surprise. The walls were painted with murals of cartoons and comic book characters. The floor was a patchwork of different coloured carpet and there were bean bag chairs and old couches all the way around the room. It was every bit as deserted as it had looked from the outside. A woman with long red hair peeked her heard around a door at the back of the room when she heard Dean close the door.

“Hi,” Dean said hesitantly, “I’m—“

“Dean Winchester,” she said with a friendly smile.

He nodded and smiled back, trying to relax.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Anna. Come with me, there’s just a little paperwork to be done before we let the kids loose on you”

Dean followed her to a dimly lit office and sat down on a folding chair beside the desk. ‘A little paperwork’ it turned out, meant five different forms with at least ten pages each and it was almost an hour later when Dean stepped bleary-eyed back into the main room. By then, almost every seat was occupied by a child, the oldest of whom looked about fourteen. When Mr Novak saw him he came straight over.

“Hello Dean,” he said in a way that made the blood run straight to Dean’s cheeks. “I’m glad you found us.”

“Who are all these kids?” Dean asked, glancing around.

“Some are latch-key kids, some live outside town and wait here for their ride home, some just need somewhere to hang out with kids their own age. Come on, there’s someone here I’d like you to meet.”

Dean followed him to a couch by the window where a little girl was sitting surrounded by books.

“Dean, this is Krissy, she needs a little help with some factions. Why don’t you take a look?”

He placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder and leaned close, causing Dean to forget how to breathe. “You’ll be fine. If you’re not sure about something don’t be afraid to look it up and don’t talk down to her.

“Yes sir,” Dean said before sitting down on the little piece of couch that wasn’t covered with books.

Krissy looked him up and down and snorted. “ _You’re_ going to help me with fractions?”

Dean straightened up, taken aback. “Yeah, why not?”

“You’re walking around with your mouth hanging open like an idiot, you look like you spent at least an hour in front of the mirror perfecting your tough-guy look and you just called Castiel ‘sir’.” She folded her arms and eyed him, waiting for a response.

Dean should have been incredulous, but he was too distracted by that new piece of information. “His name’s Castiel?” Dean murmured. It barely sounded like a name at all, but Dean thought it suited him perfectly.

“Yeah,” said Krissy hesitantly. It clearly wasn’t the answer she’d expected. “Why? What do you call him?”

Dean looked back at her. His gaze had drifted to Mr Novak again without his permission. “I call him Mr Novak. He’s my teacher.”

“Really?” she replied. “Wow, you are so lucky!”

“Yeah, I know,” said Dean, somewhat dreamily. “So, what do you need help with?”

-o-o-

By 7pm all the kids had left and Dean was trying to look busy by putting books back on the bookshelf. Most of the volunteers had gone home as well, leaving only Dean, Mr Novak and Anna.

“Would you like a coffee before you go Dean?” Mr Novak was standing in what was generously called the kitchen but was really just a countertop, a microwave and a coffee machine.

“No thinks sir, I don’t drink coffee,” Dean said, drifting towards the kitchen. Dean could hear Anna sniggering from where she was tidying the beanbags.

“A soda then? And you don’t have to call me sir, at least not if you’re planning on joining us again,” he said, sounding hopeful.

“I’ll be back,” Dean said with a smile. The fact was, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had an afternoon better spent. He’d helped about a dozen kids with their Math problems, played Go Fish with one and gave dating advice to two more.

Mr Novak smiled. “In that case, welcome aboard Dean,” he said, extending his hand.

Dean shook it and said, “Thank you…Castiel.” He raised his eyebrows in a silent question. The other man just smiled and gave a little nod.

“Where do you live? Do you have a ride home?”

“I’ll call my dad and he’ll pick me up,” Dean said and pointed to a payphone across the street. “It’s not far from here.”

“If it’s okay with your dad, I can drive you home, it’s no trouble,” Castiel shrugged.

Dean had managed to tone down his crush all afternoon. He’d barely even thought about Mr Novak. Suddenly however, he was having flashback to every ‘Driving home the babysitter’ fantasy he’d ever had. He would have loved nothing more than to say yes, but for some reason he heard himself saying “That’s okay, but thanks for offering.”

That night he found himself imagining that fantasy from a whole new perspective.


	3. Chapter 3

Charlie joined them at the reunion later that evening. She’d got a job straight out of college with Roman Enterprises and from the sounds of it, was basically running their IT department. It was an amazing job, but unfortunately it meant long working hours and Dean never got to see as much of her as he’d have liked. They’d lost Gabe to a group of soccer moms a half hour ago and so Dean and Charlie did a lap of the room, saying hello and catching up with the people they hadn’t seen in ten years before going back to their table.

Charlie sat in the chair beside Dean and grinned at him. “I have a question,” she said mischievously.

“Oh God, what is it?” Dean said, already knowing what she was going to say.

“Who was ‘the guy’ from junior year?” She said, practically bobbing with excitement.

Dean laughed. He knew she was going to ask that. He was actually surprised it had taken so long for her to bring him up. “Actually…I still don’t think I can say.”

“Huh?” Charlie said, making a confused face. “Why not?”

“Because for his sake, I think it still needs to be kept secret,” he said, grinning. As stressful as it had been at the time, he was always a little ashamed to admit the secrets had made it more exciting.

Charlie contemplated that information for a minute. She looked around the room, sizing up potentials before settling her eyes back on Dean. “That means…he’s not out of the closet?”

“Well, not to you I guess,” Dean said.

Out of nowhere, Charlie hit his arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” he said, looking at her like a dog who’d been betrayed by its owner.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to tell me!” she said childishly, and folded her arms.

“Look,” Dean said, giving up, “I’ll ask him if I can tell you. But if he says no, that’s the end of it, okay?”

“Okay!” Charlie said, perking up, “Does that mean he’s here?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “We’re friends on Facebook,” he said dryly.

-o-o-

Gabe looked around the room, occasionally stopping to watch a group of people talking. “Do you think anyone here ever hooked up with a teacher?”

Dean nearly choked on his drink. “What?”

“I mean, it’s bound to have happened right?”

Dean tried to act casual. “I think you’re confusing real life for a soap opera dude.”

“But then, which teacher? I wouldn’t put it past them you know. Those girls our age were hot!” Gabe said, ignoring Dean. “Maybe Mrs Page. She was getting old even then. I bet she wouldn’t have turned down some innocent 18 year old. Or maybe Coach Roth! Guy couldn’t spend that much time around cheerleaders and not try to seduce at least one!”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Shut up. Maybe if I ask around someo--”

“Me. I did.” Dean said, mostly to shut Gabe up.

“Sorry. What?” Gabe almost shouted.

“I hooked up with a teacher. Okay? Now can we drop it?” Dean didn’t really expect Gabriel to drop it but it was worth a try.

“No. Who was it? Was it pre or post gay?” Gabe said, turning his chair to face Dean. Dean just kept looking straight ahead.

“I don’t think there’s such thing as pre-gay…”

Gabe’s voice got higher and louder with every sentence. “It must have been a woman, right? It was Mrs Page, wasn’t it? None of our male teachers were gay were they? Were they?” Gabe said.

Dean opened his mouth to speak but Gabe just kept talking.

“How did it happen? What age were you? What age was _she_? Where did it happen?”

“Uh…” Dean said, choosing to ignore half of Gabe’s questions.

“I can’t believe you never told me!” Gabe said before Dean had a chance to say any more.

“Look, can we talk about it later? Like when we’re not surrounded by a room full of people we went to high school with?” Dean said, glancing around at the people who had been creeping closer all night.

“Aw, come on. You’re gonna leave me hanging now?” Gabe said, almost smiling.

Mid-December 2001

By the time Halloween came around, Dean and Jo were officially a couple again, so when the annual Christmas dance was announced there was no question who Dean was taking.

He’d never really been a big fan of school social events and had been less than enthusiastic at first but he managed to talk himself into it. He’d talked to his dad a week earlier and booked the car for the night. He’d arranged to borrow his least dad-like suit and had checked what colour Jo was wearing so he could get a tie to match. He’d even arranged to have flowers delivered to Jo’s house that morning.

“Dean! Phone!” Dad yelled up the stairs as Dean was buttoning his shirt.

Dean grinned to himself and made his way downstairs to where his dad stood holding the phone.

“It’s your girlfriend,” John said with a grin and gave Dean a thump on the back.

“Thanks Dad,” Dean choked out. “Hey babe!” he said into the phone.

“Who’s my most thoughtful, sweetest, most gorgeous boyfriend?”

Dean snorted. “God, I hope it’s me!”

“It is you! Thank you for the flowers Dean! They were waiting for me when I got home from school.”

“I’m glad you like them. I got blue to match your dress. I thought you could put some of them in your hair or something.”

She gasped down the phone before saying, “I love that idea! You are so cute! I was going to wear my hair down but that is so much better!”

As she spoke, Dean could hear gagging noises coming from behind. He spun around to find Sam lurking in the kitchen doorway pretending to vomit.

“Grow up,” Dean mouthed angrily, reaching out to try and slap Sam’s head before he ducked away.

“You’re already so beautiful, it was hard to find flowers that would do you justice,” Dean gushed. Man, sometimes he made himself want to gag.

“Oh Dean,” Jo laughed. “I gotta go get ready. Just wanted to say thanks! See you in an hour?”

“Be ready!” Dean said before they said their goodbyes and hung up.

“You’re going to give yourself diabetes,” Sam giggled, returning to his spot outside the kitchen.

“Oh ha ha, you little twerp. And how to you speak to your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have one,” Dean said with a smirk.

Sam turned his nose up at the mere suggestion. “I’m okay with that bro!”

“Give it time,” Dean warned before heading back upstairs to finish getting ready.

He arrived at Jo’s a little before 7.30, but by the time they got the obligatory photos and glasses of sparkling cider at Jo’s house, it was almost 8 by the time they were leaving.

“Have fun kids!” Jo’s mom, Ellen, shouted as they climbed into the Impala. “Be good. Or careful!”

“God Mom,” Jo giggled as she put on her seatbelt. “She’s been saying stuff like that all evening,” she told Dean. “She actually slipped a bottle of vodka into my bag!”

Dean laugh as he started the engine. “I always liked your mom.”

When they arrived at the school, the street was already lined with cars, so Dean dropped Jo at the door of the school and went to park. He didn’t see the point in making Jo walk any further than she had to in the ridiculous heels she was wearing. When he got back to the entrance, Jo was standing with her arm in Gabe’s.

“Hey buddy,” Gabe said, “where’s your date?” Gabe always came to these things alone, but Dean had no doubt he’d be leaving with a girl on each arm.

Dean grinned. “I thought maybe I could convince Jo to drop you for me.”

Gabe just smirked and held out his other elbow to Dean. “Shall we?”

Dean rolled his eyes but took it anyway and the three of them headed towards the gymnasium. The closer they got, the louder they could hear the sound of Christmas music and partygoers and Dean started to remember why he usually hated school dances.

“Uh, Jo,” he said, “maybe I could use a little of that vodka before we go in.”

Jo grinned and pulled out a small glass bottle from her purse. “To a great night,” she said before taking a swig herself and handing it to Dean.

“A great night,” Dean agreed and put the bottle to his mouth. He’d never tasted vodka before and it tasted every bit as awful as he expected it to. He swallowed two large mouthfuls, trying to avoid tasting it. He could feel it burning as it ran down his throat and it left a horrible taste in his mouth. Somehow he still felt a little more relaxed.

He offered it to Gabe next. Gabe just waved his hand in refusal. “No need,” he said and opened his pocket to show them about fifty Red Vines.

Dean snorted. “Whatever turns you on…”

The gym was decorated in a combination of cotton wool and toilet paper. A planning committee had spent the last week getting it ready, and while it was obvious why it had taken so long, it still looked like shit. Dean couldn’t bring himself to care though. They were playing his favourite Christmas song, ( _Santa Claus is Coming To Town_ by Springsteen) the vodka was starting to kick in and he wanted to get the dancing part over with as early as possible.

“May I have this dance?” he asked Jo, extending his hand.

“I’d be delighted,” she replied, and followed him to the dance floor.

They danced to the next four or five songs, until Dean announced he needed a break and left Jo with some of her friends.

He could definitely feel the buzz of the alcohol now and decided he should try and dilute it a little. He poured himself a glass of the weird punch they always had at dances and hovered around the trays of snacks they’d laid out. He checked his watch absent-mindedly and stared into his punch. Moments later he realised he hadn’t actually seen the time and checked again. It was only 9.15. Dean sighed to himself. It was going to be a long night.

An arm reached past him and grabbed a handful of chips, making Dean jump. He’d been in a world of his own.

“Hello Dean,” Mr Novak said, before shoving half the chips in his mouth.

Mr Novak looked like he’d had to decorate the gym single-handedly. He looked just as dishevelled as always, but he was wearing a smart black suit with a red tie and an obligatory poinsettia in the button hole. Dean smiled broadly, glad of the distraction. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

The man shrugged. “Chaperone. Why aren’t you dancing?” he asked, gesturing towards the dance floor with his chips.

“I’ve already filled my dancing quota for the night. I got Jo here, danced with her, made sure she found her friends…now I just have to wait and drive her home.” He hadn’t meant to sound so petulant, but Mr Novak still nodded sympathetically.

Mr Novak leaned forward for more chips but stopped when his face was level with Dean’s. When he turned his nose up, Dean realised what was wrong and tried to turn his face away but it was too late.

Mr Novak straightened up and, thankfully, lowered his voice. “Dean, have you been drinking?”

There was no point in lying, he’d see right through that. “A little sir.” Why did it have to be Castiel that caught him?

He sighed heavily and said, “Come on Dean. You know better than this.”

The look of disappointment on his teacher’s face damn-near killed him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t plan to. I just really hate these things, and when I got here and heard the music and all the people, I just wanted to go home! And I knew Jo had—“

Mr Novak raised a hand to silence him. “Look Dean, I really shouldn’t let this go. You’re only sixteen. What if something were to happen? And you’re planning on driving Jo home?” He blew out a breath and glanced around the room. “Look, I was just about to take a break. Why don’t you join me?”

Dean have a small nod and Mr Novak waved to Principal Crowley across the room, signalling that he was stepping out.

“Um, why don’t you wait a minute before following me out, okay?” he added, clearly uncomfortable with the implications of the suggestion.

And Dean was once again standing alone with his cup of punch. He downed the remainder of his drink and tossed the cup in the trash before heading for the same fire escape Mr Novak had used. He took one last glance around the room to make sure Jo was with her friends and pushed his way through the heavy door. Mr Novak was waiting for him in the hallway on the other side of the door.

He followed his teacher in silence through various corridors until he pushed open a door Dean had barely noticed, taking them outside. It took Dean a few seconds to get his bearings, but when he looked up and saw the second floor library, he realised they were right outside the teachers’ lounge.

The air was cold and Dean was glad he hadn’t shed his suit jacket. Mr Novak sat down on a bench against the wall that someone had pulled outside for teachers who wanted to smoke. He motioned for Dean to do the same.

“Sorry about that,” he began. “I just shouldn’t be alone on school grounds with a student when the place is so deserted. I know we already have a different relationship outside school, but those kinds of rumours can ruin careers.”

“S’fine,” Dean shrugged. “Probably best my friends don’t see me leaving with you. I’d never stop hearing about it.”

“Why’s that?” Mr Novak said cocking his head slightly. He sounded almost amused.

Dean could have kicked himself. The stupid vodka was giving him the weird feeling he could say anything and it would be ok. “They uh…” Dean mumbled, “they think I have a crush on you.”

“Oh,” he replied, and after a pause. “Is that so awful?”

Dean was sure he’d regret tomorrow, but for now the alcohol buzz was giving him extra confidence. “Only because it’s true.”

Mr Novak gave a small laugh. “Oh,” he said, amusement in his voice. “You know Dean…when I was your age,”

Dean groaned to himself. The last thing he needed to hear was another speech about being true to himself and how it’s perfectly normal. He got enough of that from Charlie already.

“…I hated school dances too.”

Dean looked up and gave him a wry smile.

“And there were times when I needed a little something to get me more in the mood, and you know what?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “What?”

“That never changed.” He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a brushed metal flask. “You know what else? I turned out just fine.”

Dean couldn’t help laughing at the unexpected turn. “Oh yeah, you’re a real role model,” he said motioning to the flask.

He shrugged and unscrewed the cap, giving it a small shake before taking a sip. He looked at Dean and hesitated a moment before passing him the flask. “I think I’ve filled my ‘good influence quota’ with you for a while.”

Dean took the flask and considered it for a moment. The metal was still warm from being pressed to Castiel’s chest and he hadn’t even wiped it. Dean had to resist the urge to press it to his cheek before taking a sip. He recognised the taste of Irish whiskey immediately. When he snuck a drink from Dad’s liquor cabinet, he always picked up the bottle of Bushmills.

He held the liquid in his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. The burning in the back of his throat was quickly replaced by a warm satisfying feeling. He looked up and realised Mr Novak was watching him. He could feel his cheeks starting to burn, despite the winter air. He screwed the cap back on the flask and passed it back.

“So,” Castiel began, “your girlfriend is Jo Harvelle?”

Dean nodded.

“But you have a crush on me? Are you gay Dean?”

Dean was taken aback by the bluntness of the question. Weren’t teachers meant to ease into that stuff? He shook his head stupidly. “I don’t think so. You’re the first…I still like girls. Well…I still like Jo anyway.”

Castiel silenced him with a wave of his hand. “I’m sorry, I thought you’d have thought about it.” He leaned back against the wall, looking thoughtful. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes and neither did Dean, comfortable with the silence. “I’m gay you know,” Castiel said eventually.

Dean looked over at him but Cas was just staring straight ahead. “Really? But you’re…” he didn’t know how to continue without sounding like a total idiot, so he said nothing.

Mr Novak nodded. “Not all gay people are like the men on Will & Grace you know. We really are just normal guys.” He turned and smiled.

Dean gave a small laugh, feeling a little uncomfortable. He glanced down at Castile’s lips. He could easily just lean over and kiss him, but then what? Would Mr Novak push him away and leave him there? He’d probably never speak to him again. It wouldn’t be worth it, even for that one perfect moment. “I should probably get back inside,” Dean said. His voice sounded more gravelly than it had moments earlier

Castiel nodded and stood up. “Yeah, me too.”

“Thanks for the distraction Cas, the rest of the dance doesn’t seem quite so unbearable any more.”

“Ah-ah, we’re in school, remember?” Castiel said with a grin.

“Sorry, _sir_ ,” Dean said, laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

Mr Novak offered Dean his hand to help him up and Dean took it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

Dean felt like the world had gone into slow motion as suddenly, his hands were on Castiel’s face, pulling them together. He pressed their lips together and moved one hand to the back of his teacher’s head, trying to bring him even closer. It felt like a firework had gone off in his stomach at first, but when Castiel didn’t pull away, the nerves passed.

At first, Castiel inhaled sharply through his nose but quickly relaxed and brought his arms up to hold Dean tighter.

Dean didn’t want the kiss to end because as soon as it did, he would have to think about the consequences. Instead, he kept moving his lips in harmony with Castiel’s and waited for him to end it.

Eventually, the older man separated their mouths and pressed his forehead to Dean’s, letting out a breathy “Oh my God.”

Dean closed his eyes, trying to savour the moment. The feeling of Castiel’s breath on his face, the hands in his hair…he could have stayed there forever.

All too soon, Castiel was pulling away, looking even more dishevelled than usual. He put his hands on his hips and looked like he was trying to remember how to breathe.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said instinctively. He sure didn’t feel sorry, but it felt like the right thing to say.

Castiel have him shocked look and pointed a finger at Dean’s chest. “No Dean.”

Dean felt his heart sink. He’d seriously screwed up.

“That was not your fault. I’m the responsible one here.”

“But—“

“But nothing. I could have stopped it, but I didn’t. This is on me.” Dean was too stunned to move, so he watched as Castiel paced around in a circle before sitting back down on the bench. “I’m not going to say you can’t tell anyone, but I really hope you won’t. I’ll lose everything.”

Dean had barely even considered the implications. He’d barely been thinking at all. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” Even the thought of it made him feel sick.

Castiel somehow managed a smile. “I know you wouldn’t. I hope we can go on like this never happened,” he said hopefully.

Dean nodded. That was the last thing he wanted to do but he knew it was the best offer he was going to get.

“Why don’t you head on home? You can borrow my cell to call a cab and come back for your car tomorrow. I’ll tell Jo you felt ill or something.”

“Okay,” Dean said before adding, “Thanks Cas.”

He went home that night feeling like an idiot. Sure, he’d gotten to kiss the guy he’d been crushing on for months, but at what cost? Things were going to be so awkward at school and at the drop-in centre because Dean couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

As he crawled into bed and buried himself under the covers, he prayed he’d never have to see Mr Novak again.


	4. Chapter 4

“Mind if I join you?” Dean said. He’d found Cas sitting alone at the bar and decided it was now or never.

“Please,” Cas replied and pulled out the chair beside him for Dean. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me again.”

“You kidding?” Dean asked. A part of him want to stay away, however it had been more out of fear that Cas wouldn’t want to see him. “The only reason I came was because I’d hoped you’d be here.”

Cas gave a wry smile. “Me too.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Dean ordered another drink and sipped it slowly while Cas picked at the label of his beer bottle. “I’m sorry,” Dean said eventually.

Cas gave him a confused look. “What for?” he asked, cocking his head.

“For being such an idiot back then. I’m only just starting to realise how dumb I was and I made you feel like shit for no good reason. And I’m sorry. God, Cas I’m so fucking sorry!” Dean could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. He looked to the ceiling and took another sip of his whiskey, trying to hold it in.

Cas closed his eyes and shook his head. “We were both young and stupid Dean. I sincerely hope you haven’t been blaming yourself all these years.”

“You weren’t exactly young and stupid. I must’ve seemed like a dumb kid to you.”

“Dean, I was 24 years old. Hardly old and wise! I was two years out of college and in my second teaching job I ended up sleeping with one of my students.”

Cas was only 24 back then. “God, 7 years seemed like a huge age difference when I was 17.”

Cas just gave Dean another little smile.

“Is uh...is that the same tie?” Dean asked.

Cas looked down and smoothed his hand down the length. “Yeah,” he said with a smile, “It’s always been my favourite.”

Dean couldn’t hold in his grin. “I still have the albums you bought me you know. You still have your collection?”

“I do,” Cas said, “They’re starting to take over my house.”

Dean bit his lip. He and Cas had spent many a Tuesday or Saturday night listening to Cas’ records. The memory was bitter-sweet. Dean sighed. There were things he’d wanted to say to Cas. Things he’d been thinking about for years. Be they could wait a little longer. “I never stopped thinking about you,” he said instead.

Cas looked down sadly. “Nor I you.”

Dean placed his hand on Cas’ forearm which was resting on the bar. “No, I mean, you totally changed my life. In high school you were everything to me. Even after we broke up you were still my teacher and my mentor. I got into college because of you. I was able to come out to my friends and family because of you. I’m so happy with the life I’ve got and I owe a huge part of that to you.”

“I can’t take credit for all that Dean,” Cas said, shaking his head.

“Are you kidding? Before you came along I was _terrible_ at Math. I started working at it because I wanted to impress you! Then I started working at all my other classes too because I wanted to help the kids at the homework club! You made me into a better version of myself Cas, whether you can see it or not.”

Cas lifted Dean’s hand off his arm and held it in his own. Dean couldn’t bring himself to care if anyone saw. Cas looked like he might cry. “Dean...you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Dean was dying to find out if Cas was single but was afraid to ask in case Cas thought it was a come-on. Maybe it was.

“So you came out to your family? How’d that go?”

Dean smiled at the memory. “Well, Sam already knew. I’d told him way back. Uncle Bobby claimed he’d known all along. Something about the way I eyed up clients at the garage. My dad seemed shocked at first. He had a heart attack a week later, but I think that was unrelated.”

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Cas said, sitting up a little straighter.

“He was okay,” Dean said, “but it was the start of a whole series of heart problems. He died last year.”

“Oh Dean,” Cas said sympathetically. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard.”

“It was. I’m okay now though,” Dean shrugged.

“You had good support?”

Dean couldn’t help wondering if Cas was dropping hints. “Oh yeah. Sam, Bobby and I really helped each other out.

Cas nodded. “That’s good.” He paused, clearly wanting to say something else.

“I’m single,” Dean said, saving them both the trouble of asking.

“Me too,” Cas said quietly.

Dean tried to hide his elation. “Remember what you said that first night we got together?”

Cas nodded. “Though this isn’t exactly us meeting for the first time, is it?”

“Does it matter?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Cas said. He let go of Dean’s hand.

Dean felt disappointment begin to creep in and decided to take action. He picked up his glass, stood up and tugged on Cas’ arm. “Let’s go to the hotel bar. I need to get away from these people for a while.”

Cas allowed Dean to pull him out of the stool and followed him through the crowd and out of the ballroom. Dean slipped past a group of ex-cheerleaders who all stopped to stare before giggling like the schoolgirls Dean remembered. He smiled politely at another group as he inched around them and reversed straight into Principal Crowley.

“Well well, Dean Winchester,” he said with a slight smile.

“Hello Principal Crowley,” Dean said, already planning an escape route.

“How’ve you been? I hear you’re trading in auto parts.”

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said sheepishly. “I have a few shops here and there.”

“All over the country from what I hear,” he said clapping Dean on the shoulder. “Well done son. It’s always great to hear about our kids doing well for themselves, isn’t it Mr Novak?”

“I was just telling Dean that same thing,” Cas said from behind. Dean had almost forgotten Cas was there.

“I’m glad you could come Dean, truly. I hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend. Are you doing the tour of the school tomorrow?”

“Yes sir,” Dean said automatically. He hadn’t even looked at the itinerary yet.

“Well then I’ll see you there. Have a good night.” And with that, he was gone.

Dean and Cas shared a look before making their way out of the ballroom. The bar was on the other side of the hotel and they found it practically empty. They took their drinks over to a booth in the corner and sat down on opposite side of the round table.

“It was never just about the sex,” Cas said without any preamble.

“Huh?” Dean said, taken by surprise.

“I always wanted you to know that. It was so much more than just physical.”

“Oh. God yeah. For me too!” Dean said leaning closer. “Have you any idea how weird it was for me knowing my best friend was my fucking Math teacher?”

Cas laughed. “Probably about as weird as my best friend being a 17 year old.”

“I really missed you after…” Dean said. “I know I still saw you at school and at the drop-in centre, but it wasn’t the same, you know?”

“Of course,” Cas agreed. “I missed you too.”

Dean lifted his whiskey to his lips to avoid having to speak. Cas had been his first…first guy anyway, and he’s compared everyone he’d been with since to him. He’d dumped guys before because he couldn’t help thinking about how much more he’d had in common with Cas. He was beginning to think Cas had ruined him for other men.

Cas bit his lip, looking like he had something to say.

“What is it?” Dean prompted.

Cas sighed. “We both know what this is about. The thing we’re not saying.”

“Which is?”

“Should we try again?”

“Uh…” Dean said, feeling slightly flustered all of a sudden. It was what he’d wanted to talk about all along but now that it was about to happen, he wasn’t sure he did.

“I don’t think we should,” Cas said, looking Dean in the eye. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I just don’t think it would be a good idea.”

Dean felt the disappointment settle in his stomach. “You don’t.” he said neutrally.

“Getting over you was really hard for me. I don’t know if I could go through it again.”

Dean nodded. The same was probably true for him, but it didn’t make the rejection any less painful. He closed his eyes, letting his mind drift to the image of one last night with Cas.

When Dean opened his eyes again, Cas had shuffled round the table so he was sitting about a foot away from Dean. “I just thought one of us should say it,” he muttered, before closing the gap and pressing his lips to Dean’s.

Dean inhaled sharply through his nose and brought a hand up to the back of Cas’ head. It was exactly as Dean remembered. Gentle yet passionate. Cas’ lips were soft but masculine. He scooted closer to Cas, deepening the kiss and just let himself get lost in the moment. Just one more perfect moment with Cas.

“I need you,” Dean whispered, his lips brushing against Cas’. He sounded like a love-sick teenager, he knew, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Are you staying in the hotel?” Cas said breathily against Dean’s lips.

“No, I’m staying with Gabe,” Dean said, feeling like that had been the dumbest decision he’d ever made.

“Damnit,” Cas said, settling his forehead against Dean’s.

“Your place?” Dean suggested.

“My brother’s staying with me all weekend.”

Dean laughed. “This is going well.”

“Maybe we should just get back to the reunion,” Cas sighed.

“Aw, you’re going to get me all worked up and then leave me hanging?” Dean grinned.

“We’ll think of something,” Cas said, grinning back. “We’ve got all weekend.”

Late December 2001

Dean didn’t have to see Mr Novak again until after the weekend. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Dean waited by the front gate of the school for Castiel to pick him up and drive them both to the after-school club. Dean half expected him to keep driving when he saw Dean, but he knew Castiel better than that. When his old silver sedan pulled up, Dean climbed inside and muttered “hi”.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said warmly before driving off.

Dean had almost hoped they could drive in silence, but Castiel managed to keep the conversation light. It occurred to Dean that maybe Castiel was on a whole other level of maturity Dean hadn’t even imagined. Perhaps that’s the difference between dating teenagers and adults…not that he and Castiel were dating.

“Have you ever thought of asking Sam to come to the centre?” Castiel asked casually.

“I did ask him, but his school is on the other side of town so he’d have to get a ride from home. Besides, he’s far too easily distracted. He’d get more work done at home.”

Castiel laughed fondly. “Yeah, sometimes I wonder how our kids get anything done.”

Dean couldn’t tell if he was trying to act like everything was normal or if everything _was_ normal, but if Castiel was happy to let it go, then so was Dean.

At least, that was the plan.

By Friday he was starting to lose it. He couldn’t stop thinking about Castiel; about touching him, kissing him. Heck, even just looking at him.

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Charlie finally demanded after she had to tell the same story for a third time before Dean actually heard it.

“Nothing,” Dean said defensively. “I’m just…excited that it’s the last day of school.” He glanced around the cafeteria, looking for someone to rescue him.

“Bullshit,” she replied, narrowing her eyes. “You’ve been acting like this all week and it’s getting really old.”

Dean sighed. “Fine, I guess it’ll be good to get it off my chest.”

Charlie grinned and rested her chin on her hand to listen.

“Okay, so, you know how I said I left the dance early last week because I was sick?”

Charlie nodded. She hadn’t gone to the dance herself, opting instead to see a preview of the Lord Of The Rings movie with Chuck, but Dean had shared (most of) the highlights.

“Well, I wasn’t sick. I was making out with someone who isn’t Jo.”

Charlie almost bounced out of her seat before remembering they were in public. “Oh my God! Who was it?”

“I promised not to say anything…but it was a guy,” he said, and braced himself.

“A guy?” Charlie practically shouted before throwing her hand to her mouth. “I mean uh…okay. And you’re…worried he’ll tell someone?”

“No no, it’s nothing like that,” Dean said, almost relieved that wasn’t the problem. “Things would be worse for him if someone found out.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“We both agreed it was a mistake, but it he’s like, acting like it never happened. And it’s killing me.” It was an admission to himself as much as her and he actually felt a little better having said it.

“Aw, Dean, I’m sorry. That sucks. I guess you don’t wanna bring it up with him, huh?”

Dean shook his head. “He was so…responsible after, it made me feel like an idiot. I don’t wanna be rejected again, you know?” It felt so weird to be talking like this. He was so used to keeping everything to himself, but Charlie seemed to bring it out in him.

Charlie put a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know what to tell you buddy. If you can talk to the guy, then do it. Till then…you can talk to me,” she said hopefully.

“You’ve already helped,” he said genuinely. “Thanks Charlie.”

-o-o-

Going to the drop in centre that afternoon, Dean had a new sense of calm. He chatted and joked with Castiel the whole way there and it felt just like it had before.

The centre closed for Christmas at the same time as the schools, so that afternoon they threw a party for the kids. There was food, drinks and music and every little girl insisted on dancing with Dean.

Dean had decided he was going to try talking to Castiel when he gave him a ride home that night. He wouldn’t see him again for another two weeks and he knew it would eat him alive either way. Perhaps Cas would even have some advice for him.

By the time they were getting into Castiel’s car it had already been dark for a couple of hours and the cold winter air was biting. The journey to Dean’s was only fifteen minutes, so he thought he should get it over with, even if it meant a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. He didn’t think Cas would dump him on the side of the road…

After a couple of minutes driving, Dean plucked up the courage to say, “Hey Cas? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Castiel cleared his throat, probably knowing where this was going. “Oh?”

“I just…want to talk about that kiss last week.”

Cas sighed. “I’m sorry Dean, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

Dean shook his head, already feeling frustrated. “See, that’s the problem. I don’t think it was a mistake.”

“Come on Dean. A student teacher relationship is wrong in every possible way.”

“But we’re more than just student and teacher. We spend so much time together! We’re colleagues as well.”

Cas snorted at that. “Workplace romances are sort of frowned upon as well.” He exhaled slowly and Dean gave him a moment to reply. “I could lose my job Dean. And you said yourself, it’s not something I should be putting my job in jeopardy for.”

“Wait,” Dean said, surprised by Cas’ choice of words. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

“What…” Castiel replied hesitantly.

“You like me back!”

Castiel laughed, sounding slightly hysterical now. “You know, inviting you to help out at that club was the stupidest thing I ever did. I’ve spent the last three months learning more about you…I can see what kind of man you’re going to be. God, you already are. And it’s attractive as hell. Plus, you know, I’m not blind! Dean, if we had met ten years from now, I wouldn’t even have hesitated.”

Dean was stunned into silence. He felt like he’d attracted a rare butterfly and anything he said might scare it away. He couldn’t see a way for the conversation to end in anything but disappointment, so he kept his mouth shut.

They rode the rest of the way in silence, with just the sound of the radio filling the air. Eventually they pulled up outside Dean’s house and Cas put the car in neutral.

“Oh hey, I got you something,” Dean said when he remembered the gift in his book bag. “Merry Christmas!” He passed the crudely wrapped present to Castiel and smiled.

“Oh Dean, you didn’t have to do that,” Cas said, smiling. “Should I open it now?”

Dean nodded and watched as Castiel ripped open the wrapping paper with the enthusiasm of a ten year old. He gave a wide smile when he saw the blue tie wrapped inside.

“I thought it would go with all the stuff you normally wear to school and, uh…” Dean said, immediately regretting saying ‘and’. “It reminded me of your eyes.”

Castiel set the tie down on his lap and regarded Dean. Dean couldn’t determine from his expression if he liked it or not and suddenly wanted out of the car as quickly as possible. “Well…Merry Christmas,” Dean said awkwardly, and reached for the door handle.

Before his hand made it to the door, Cas placed a hand on Dean’s thigh and let out an urgent “wait.”

Dean turned and looked Castiel in the eye. His expression was still hard to read, but Dean couldn’t help thinking it looked close to fear. Dean’s breath hitched as Castiel placed and hand on his cheek. Dean allowed himself to be guided forward. When their lips were almost touching he said, “Thank you Dean,” barely more than a whisper.

Dean’s heart raced and he really hoped Cas couldn’t detect the sudden hitch in his breathing. Cas’ lips ghosting over his was the most sensuous thing he’d ever experienced. He closed his eyes to try and preserve every detail.

Cas pulled back and looked at Dean’s house over his shoulder. “Will anyone notice if you don’t come home right away?”

Dean shook his head. Dad was out with Uncle Bobby and Sam probably didn’t even notice he wasn’t there to begin with.

Cas nodded and started his car’s engine again. Dean didn’t say a word as Cas drove them to a quiet parking lot on the edge of the park. There was nothing but trees in front of them and a closed elementary school fifty yards behind them.

Without another word, Cas killed the engine and hooked an arm around Dean’s waist. Dean shuffled closer along the bench seat and didn’t hesitate to smash their lips together. Cas actually moaned quietly as he parted his lips, allowing Dean’s tongue access. Their mouths moved together like a dance, wringing more and more moans from Cas.

Castiel’s hands were everywhere. Tangled in Dean’s hair, placed gently on his thigh, under his shirt touching the cool skin underneath…Dean found himself being pushed back against the car door. Cas was getting gradually closer and closer, almost devouring Dean.

Dean was so distracted by Cas’ hands, he was taken completely by surprise when Cas bit his bottom lip gently. He couldn’t help the surprised grunt that escaped his lips.

Castiel pulled away immediately. “Oh God Dean, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is about you, I just can’t mmmf!”

Dean silenced him with a kiss and pushed him back against the seat. Being careful not to hurt himself on the steering wheel, he threw his right leg over Cas’ thighs so he was straddling him and made himself comfortable. He placed a hand on each side of Cas’ face and got back to kissing him.

Moments later, he felt something poking at his inner thigh and realised Cas had a boner. Dean felt an odd stirring in his stomach. He’d never done that to another guy before…Cas didn’t seem too concerned about it though, so he just ignored it. It wasn’t until he started grinding his hips against Cas’ that he realised he was hard too. He pulled back and looked at Cas in surprise.

Cas actually gave an amused laugh. “You okay Dean? Never had an erection before?”

Dean felt his cheeks burning. “Yeah, but not…” He wasn’t sure what the end of that sentence was. With a guy? With an adult? With a _teacher_? He decided to let it hang.

“It’s okay, I know,” Cas said, lacing his fingers through Dean’s hair again. “Here, look.” He brushed the tips of his fingers against the front of Dean’s jeans. “May I?”

Dean nodded in stunned silence as Cas gently fondled his dick through his jeans. It felt amazing and he couldn’t help pushing forward into Cas’ hand. He almost stopped breathing when Cas began to unzip his fly. He just closed his eyes and let Cas continue. Cas pushed Dean’s jeans down off his hips, pulled down the elastic of his boxers and released his cock and balls. It felt extra sensitive in the cold December air.

Dean threw his head back and moaned quietly as Cas took his cock and stroked him into a full erection.

Dean had got one or two hand-jobs from Jo, but it had never felt this good. He thought to himself, that was probably the difference between a teenaged girl and an experienced man who knew what felt good. He was suddenly struck by another wave of embarrassment when he realised Cas was probably used to full grown men with fully grown penises. The hand job started to lose its appeal.

“Are you alright?” Castiel asked. Of course he knew something was wrong. Dean’s face hid nothing.

Dean couldn’t exactly say ‘is my dick too small’, so he went with, “I’m uh…still growing.”

When realisation hit Cas he tilted his head and gave Dean a sympathetic look. “Oh Dean, don’t you worry. It’ll work just fine!”

Sympathy was the last thing Dean wanted, but he started to forget as soon as Cas started opening his own pants. Dean started to get nervous again. He’d rarely even looked at another guy’s junk, never mind touched it, but his eyes were fixed on Castiel’s as it sprung free from his underwear. He couldn’t help reaching forward and touching it experimentally. He wrapped his whole hand around it, feeling its girth, before squeezing gently, wringing a hiss from Cas.

Cas gently pushed Dean’s fingers aside and pulled him closer by his hips. Dean couldn’t help cringing when Cas spat in his hand and spread the saliva over his own cock and then Dean’s. All things considered, Dean knew his was being ridiculous.

Almost like he was trying for a distraction, Cas started kissing him again, one hand on Dean’s ass, the other wrapped around both their cocks. Without warning, Cas started rocking his hips up so their cocks slid past each other. When he started moving in circles, Dean felt like he might pass out. He couldn’t remember being this hard in his life. Concentrating on Cas’ hands was the only thing keeping him conscious.

Dean could feel his orgasm building. He tried to hold it back out of fear of coming too soon like some pubescent kid. Cas closed his eyes and threw his head back and, letting out a long slow breath, came over his hand and Dean’s cock. It was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, and Dean came moments later, harder than he ever had before.

He fell forward against Cas’ shoulder and waited to get his breath back. Castiel’s chest rose and fell, and Dean found himself almost hypnotised by the man’s breathing.

“Best. Christmas gift. Ever.” Dead said as he climbed off Castiel and back onto the passenger seat.

Cas gave a quiet laugh through his nose as he tucked his dick back in his pants. “God Dean…”

Dean had an unreasonable urge to say thank you, but knew it would make him sound like a total loser. “That was awesome,” he said instead, thinking that didn’t sound much better.

Castiel used his clean hand to search his pockets before pulling a handkerchief from his jacket. Dean put a hand out to stop him before he wiped their jizz from his hand. Cas gave him a questioning look.

“Sorry, I just wanna…” Curiosity had gotten the better of him and he lifted Cas’ hand to his mouth. He licked off a little of the come.

“Jesus Dean,” Cas said in a voice more gravelly than normal, “you are so damn sexy, you know that?”

Dean made a face. “That tastes so gross! You can clean the rest off yourself!”

Cas laughed heartily before licking some of the come off his hand. “You kind’ve get used to it,” he said with a grin and cleaned the rest with his handkerchief. “I think we better get you home.”

Dean nodded solemnly. “I guess.”

“I’d love to just take you home with me Dean, but you know I can’t,” Cas sighed.

“It’s okay,” Dean tried to assure him, not really sure if it was.

They drove back to Dean’s house in silence. Dean, once again, had that weird feeling that anything he said could scare Castiel off. When they pulled up at the end of the driveway Cas glanced at the house and in the car mirrors before leaning over and giving Dean a quick kiss.

“Have a great Christmas Dean,” Cas said. “See you in a couple of weeks.”


	5. Chapter 5

Christmas 2001

After that night in Castiel’s car, it killed Dean that he couldn’t get in contact with him. The school was in the process of introducing an emailing system for the staff and students. So far only the staff were able to use it and so Dean had spent an afternoon trying to guess Cas’ email address, but every message came back undelivered. He tried looking his number up in the phone book and online, but he knew Cas was new in town so he wasn’t surprised when his name wasn’t listed.

In the end he just had to suck it up and accept that he wouldn’t be seeing Cas until school started up again.

On Christmas morning his dad handed him a small wrapped box with a look on his face that said he was extremely pleased with himself.

“Before you open it,” Dad said, “this is for both Christmas and your birthday so you can open it now or you can wait until your birthday.

“Hmm,” Dean said, trying to decide if he could wait that long.

“Open it now,” Sam advised, not even looking up from the new game he’d gotten for his Game Boy.

“Oh well, if you insist,” Dean said after he’d already ripped off half the paper. He let out an excited gasp when he saw the new cell phone inside. Dean had wanted his own phone for ages but he’d never even bothered asking because he thought his dad would say it was too expensive. “Oh my God! Thanks Dad, this is great!”

“You’ll have to pay the bill yourself, but I thought you’d have more than enough from helping in Bobby’s garage,” Dad said, beaming.

“It was my idea!” Sam said, finally seeming to pay attention. “I told Dad I was sick of hearing you being gross on the phone with Jo.”

Dean laughed but Dad rolled his eyes. “That is not what it’s for. I just don’t like the idea of you out alone with no way of contacting us. Or for us to contact you for that matter. I know I can trust you to use it responsibly.”

Dean felt a small pang of guilt but brushed it off as he took the phone out of the box. “Thanks Dad, I will.”

The first thing he did was go to his room to find where he’d written down Jo’s number and sent her a text message.

SURPRISE! MERRY CHRISTMAS

She replied moments later.

WHO’S THIS?

Dean grinned to himself as he replied.

YOUR BEAUTIFUL, SENSITIVE, GENEROUS GORGEOUS BOYFRIEND

Her reply came almost immediately.

PRINCIPAL CROWLEY?

Dean laughed and went back downstairs for breakfast.

-o-o-

“God, I’ve missed that ass.”

Dean spun around and found Gabe and Chuck following him into school.

“Don’t objectify me!” Dean said and turned back around.

“Aww, don’t be like that,” Gabe said, catching up.

“Happy new year,” Chuck added with a small smile.

“Happy New Year guys,” Dean said.

“Maybe this’ll be the year I meet the girl of my dreams,” Gabe said with a smirk.

“Does the girl of your dreams even exist outside of porn?” Chuck scoffed.

“I’ll have you know I have extremely sophisticated taste.”

“Uh huh?” Chuck replied sceptically.

“Well, not as sophisticated as Dean here, but some of us know when sexy Math teachers are out of our league,” Gabe said, wiggling his eyebrows at Dean.

“You’re hilarious,” Dean said, deadpan.

The drop-in centre didn’t open until the second week of school, so Dean didn’t see Castiel again until the next day in Math class. He’d been nervous all day. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to concentrate quite as well as he used to.

When he entered the classroom, Mr Novak gave him a small nod and looked down straight away. Of course he was going to act shy now. Cas was wearing the tie Dean had bought him and Dean couldn’t supress a smile. He took his seat in the middle of the room and took his Math books out.

“Welcome back everyone,” Mr Novak said when everyone had arrived. “I hope you all had a pleasant Christmas vacation, but not too pleasant because I believe I gave you homework.”

‘I’ve tasted your come,’ Dean thought to himself as he watched his teacher flip through his diary, ‘And you tasted mine.’

Dean did his best to keep his poker face in place when Mr Novak stood at the front of the room and licked his lips.

“Okay, let’s go around the room and you can all give me one answer each.” He gestured to a girl in the front row. “Sarah, why don’t you get us started?”

Dean’s mind wandered as everyone called out their answers. He couldn’t stop thinking about that night in Cas’ car. The taste of his lips, the texture of his tongue, the feeling of their cocks sliding together…

“x equals 3” he called out when it was his turn.

…The heat of Cas’ skin in the cold air. The way he threw his head back in pleasure. The way his licked their come. The whole thing had given Dean a few sleepless nights and now here he was, giving himself a semi in Math class. He tried to shake it off and concentrate on what Mr Novak was saying.

“Try questions 1 to 15 first to make sure you haven’t forgotten everything and then I’ll move on.”

Okay, actual Math. That was bound to help keep his mind off sex. He put his head down and started work on the problems Mr Novak had just set.

He could hear the faint murmur of Cas’ voice as he moved from student to student, making sure everyone knew what they were doing. By the time he made it to Dean’s desk, he was already finished.

“Any problems?” Mr Novak said, exactly the way he’d said it to every other student.

“Nope,” Dean said, purposely not looking up at the man leaning over his shoulder.

Mr Novak just hovered there, looking at Dean’s notebook anyway. “This isn’t quite right,” he said, pointing at an answer Dean _knew_ was right. He took out a pencil and started writing on Dean’s notebook.

_You have lunch at 1pm?_

“You see what I mean?” he said casually.

“Yes sir, I do,” Dean said in answer to both questions. Mr Novak started writing again.

_Meet me here at lunch_

“Okay, I see sir. Thanks,” Dean said, hoping he sounded a lot calmer than he felt.

All hope of Dean concentrating was gone after that. He didn’t know if Cas was going to give him good news or bad news and he spent the rest of the class imagining every scenario. By the end of the lesson, Dean had had three boners, almost cried once and learnt no new Math.

“What is wrong with you?” Gabriel asked as he got to his feet, “You barely stopped fidgeting that whole class!”

“I’m not feeling well…but I’ll be fine,” he added since he didn’t plan on doing anything about it.

Gabe gave him a sceptical look. “If you say so.”

When it got to lunch time, Dean decided to stick with the ‘sick’ story.

“I’m gonna skip lunch today guys,” he told Gabe, Chuck, Charlie and a few other kids walking with them. “I’m going to work in the library.

“Now I _know_ you’re sick,” Gabe snorted.

“Actually, maybe I’ll come with you,” Charlie said, “I’m not really hungry and I want to catch up on a few things.”

Dean hesitated. He couldn’t exactly tell her no. “Okay, great,” he said as straight faced as he could.

They broke off from the rest of the group and headed back towards the library. He tried his best to think of an excuse to get away but nothing came to him.

“I’m glad you suggested this,” Charlie said as they started climbing the stairs, “I might need your help with some of the stuff Mr Novak was talking about today.”

At the mention of his name, something cracked in Dean and he knew he wouldn’t be able to skip their meeting.

“I lied,” he blurted out, “I’m not sick.”

“What?” Charlie said, surprised by his sudden admission.

“I’m not sick. I just needed an excuse to get away.”

“What for?”

Charlie looked confused, but not too annoyed so Dean decided to let her in on the secret. “Remember the guy from the Christmas dance?”

Charlie nodded, a grin spreading across her face.

“He asked me to meet him at 1.”

Charlie checked her watch. “Oh my God! It’s 1 now! You’re going to be late!”

“Please don’t tell anyone,” he said pleadingly.

Charlie scoffed, “Please Dean. Just go, your secret’s safe with me.”

Dean walked to the Math room as fast as he could without drawing attention. He knocked the door and heard Cas say “Come in.”

He entered the room and found Cas sitting at his desk. He smiled when Dean walked into the room and closed the book he was looking at.

“Take a seat Dean,” he said, pointing to the chair across from him.

Dean hesitated before sitting down. Suddenly this felt very formal. Suddenly it felt like bad news. “Sir?” he asked.

“There’s no need to look so afraid. This is for them,” he said, nodding towards the window on the door.

“Oh right,” Dean said in relief. His heart was already racing. How did Cas do this to him?

“I’ve thought a lot about that night in the car,” he began.

Dean snorted. “Me too.”

“I think we both know ending this now is the right thing to do. But!” he added quickly when Dean started to react. “But…I don’t want to.”

“Me neither,” Dean said quietly. This conversation was already a rollercoaster.

Cas glanced at the door and started to look a little uncomfortable. He shuffled slightly closer to the desk and lowered his voice slightly. “I’m sure I’ve told you I tutor a few kids privately.”

Dean nodded. Cas had mentioned a few times that kids came to his house some nights for help with Math. He’d never really given it much thought.

“Well, I was thinking. Well…if you want to, you could come and visit me on one of those evenings.” Dean had never seen Cas looking quite so flustered. “Oh God,” he said, “I sound like such a creep.”

“No!” Dean said quickly. “It’s fine, I want to.”

“You do? Oh thank God.” He picked up a post-it and wrote down his address. “This is where I live. I’ll be tutoring tonight and the last person leaves at 8pm. Just to let you know, I’ll be adding you to my books so it looks like I’m really being paid to tutor you.”

Dean laughed nervously. “Wow, you’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?”

“I’m putting and awful lot on the line here Dean. I’m just reducing the risk as much as I can. I wish it didn’t have to be like this,” Castiel sighed. “Will I see you tonight?”

Dean considered the logistics of the situation. He dad would be home that evening, so Dean could use the car…but where would he say he was going? “What should I tell my dad?”

“I thought you could tell him you were doing some tutoring. He knows how good you are at Math, right?”

Dean nodded. That would probably work. Dad wouldn’t ask too many questions if it was school related. “Okay…okay! I’ll be there.”

Cas visibly relaxed as soon as he heard Dean’s answer. “Good. I’m glad. But listen Dean, if you have any doubts, any at all, you tell me immediately. Okay?”

Dean nodded quickly. “Don’t worry, I will.” He got up to leave feeling happier than when he’d first arrived. His stomach was still churning but for a whole other reason. “Oh! I almost forgot,” he said, suddenly remembering his Christmas present. “I got my own cell phone.” He quickly scribbled down the number on a post-it from Cas’ desk and passed it to him.

“Well, that will certainly make things easier. Thank you Dean.”

Dean went to meet Charlie back in the library. While he still felt a little trepidation, he couldn’t help the extra spring in his step.

-o-o-

“You? Tutoring?” Dad said, “Well, I never thought I’d see the day!”

“It’s no big deal Dad, I already help out at the drop-in centre.” Dean was feeling equal parts embarrassed and guilty. His dad rarely got like this and he wasn’t really prepared to deal with it.

“Those kids don’t have a choice and most of them are much younger than you. This is totally different.” He was beaming. At least, getting as close to beaming as John Winchester was capable.

“So I can borrow the car?” Dean said hopefully.

“Of course you can. Just don’t stay too late. It’s still a school night.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Since when have you cared what time I go to sleep?”

“Since you started doing well at school,” Dad said, clapping Dean on the back.

Dean couldn’t shake the weird feeling that he should be preparing in some way. If he was being honest, he really didn’t know what Cas would be expecting. Maybe he just wanted to hang out, but maybe it was just…

Dean shook himself and went out to the car. He’d scribbled down the directions to Cas’ house that he got on Map Quest and was pretty sure he knew where he was going. Cas had sent him a text message with his number, so he could call him if he got lost.

He found Cas’ house easily and arrived at about 7.50. There was another car parked on the street outside with a woman in it. The mom of the kid Cas was tutoring, Dean assumed. He parked behind her and tried to relax,

He’d spent a stupid amount of the afternoon trying to decide what to wear. Logically, he knew Cas wouldn’t notice or care what he was wearing but he couldn’t shake the desire to impress the guy. He decided on his least worn jeans, a green shirt and one of Dad’s vintage Led Zeppelin t-shirts.

Dean took out his phone and tried out the card game that had come preloaded on it. It was the longest ten minutes of his life, but eventually, a guy of about thirteen emerged from Cas’ front door with Cas behind him. He gave a small wave to the kid’s mom before going back inside and closing the door.

Dean waited for the kid and his mom to drive away before he got out of the car. He took a few deep breaths and gave himself a quick pep-talk before walking up to the door and ringing the doorbell. He heard movement inside and moments later, Castiel opened the door.

Dean had never seen the man dressed so casually. He was wearing jeans, as usual, but with just a black t-shirt with a red hoodie over the top of it. He smiled widely when he saw Dean. “Hello Dean, come inside.” He led dean into the living room and motioned for him to sit down. “I just want to put these books away before we…uh…” he let the sentence trail off.

Dean was suddenly nervous again. Before they what? He chose a seat in the corner. It was a large green easy chair that didn’t seem to match the rest of the décor. The room was impeccably decorated in brown tones. The carpet and walls were both cream and there were two brown leather sofas against a wall each. There were very few photographs or nick-nacks around, but there were a couple of model cars on the mantle and a few pieces of modern art on the bookcase. The most striking thing about the room was the framed movie posters adorning the walls. On closer inspection, dean realised each one was signed. Beside him was a large bookcase, half full of books, half old records. He leaned over the arm of the chair for a closer look.  The Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Yes, The Beatles…

“Sorry about that,” Cas said as he came back into the room. He tilted his head when he saw Dean sitting in the corner on the edge of the chair. “You look like you’re waiting to see the dentist.”

Dean kind of felt like he was. “I was checking your records and making sure we can still be friends,” Dean said.

“How’d I do?” Cas asked before throwing himself down on the couch closest to Dean.

“You passed with flying colours.” Dean announced. In Cas’ car they only ever listened to talk radio and had never really talked much about music.

“Well that’s a relief,” Cas said. “Why don’t you put something on?”

Dean inspected the selection again. He tried to choose an album that wouldn’t kill the mood but didn’t make it look like he was trying too hard. He pulled out _Heartbreaker_ by Free and handed it to Cas. “This one.”

Cas glanced at the cover and raised his eyebrows before giving a small nod of approval. He got up and went to a small table with a briefcase style record player Dean hadn’t even noticed before. He slid the record out of the sleeve, placed it on the turntable and set the needle to the beginning.

Dad had owned a turntable when Dean was little, but he didn’t remember ever using it. He found the moment of crackling before the music started immensely satisfying and made a snap decision to buy himself a record player.

When _Wishing Well_ began, Cas went back to his seat on the couch and threw his head back, exposing his neck. He let out a long sigh and closed his eyes. “Very good choice Dean.”

Dean could hardly tear his eyes away from Cas. His neck, his lips that were slightly parted, the rise and fall of his chest…Cas opened his eyes suddenly and caught Dean staring. Dean looked away but it was too late.

“Do you want to join me over here?” Cas asked, placing his hand on the empty seat beside him.

Dean grunted a yes and switched seats. Whether it was by accident or not, he ended up sitting as far away from Cas as he could get and still be on the same sofa. “So, uh…” Dean said, with no idea of how he was going to continue.

“So,” Cas repeated, “Free or Bad Company?”

Dean had been expecting a change of subject and the question took him by surprise. “Oh, uh, I guess…late Free, early Bad Company?”

Cas gave a half smile. Good answer.” He looked down briefly before saying, “You seem worried Dean.”

“I am,” Dean replied without thinking. Cas went to say something but Dean added quickly, “but not because I’m having second thoughts.”

Cas nodded slowly. “As long as you’re sure.”

“I just…I want to be good for you,” Dean said. It felt good to say it out loud but he knew how inexperienced he was. He was almost worried Cas would get sick of him. “I want to be able to please you.”

Cas’ eyes were full of sympathy. “You will Dean, don’t be silly.”

“You’ll show me though, won’t you?” I mean, I really don’t know what to do with another guy.”

“Of course I will,” Cas said, placing a hand on Dean’s knee, “but I think you’ll find it’s not all that different.”

As _Come Together In The Morning_ played in the background, Dean tried in vain to ignore the lyrics. “But I have no idea what to do with another guy’s…dick,” he said, the pause drawing even more attention to the word.

Cas was rubbing little circles on Dean’s knee and let the word hang in the air for a moment. He stilled his hand and gave Dean a small smile. “I can show you that.”

Without another word, Cas went to his knees in front of Dean and shuffled forward so he was between his knees. He ran his hands up and down Dean thighs a couple of times before looking up at him for consent.

Dean gave a quick nod and hoped he didn’t look over eager. Then Cas’ hands were opening his belt and his fly. Dean just sat there, his mouth hanging open, as Cas worked his dick out of his underwear, moving only when Cas motioned for him to lift his hips and allow his pants to drop past his knees.

Cas had seen his cock before, but something about Cas sitting on his knees staring straight at it made Dean feel very exposed. Cas wrapped his hand around it and gave a few slow pulls before it started to take interest.

“It’s kind of like licking a popsicle,” Cas said with a grin, “but warmer and, with respect, not as tasty.” He demonstrated by putting his tongue to the head of Dean’s cock and licking the whole way around.

Dean let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. It didn’t take long for him to get fully hard. If he’d known Cas was going to do _this_ he’d have been hard before they even started.

“There aren’t many rules, but ‘no teeth’ is an important one,” Cas explained. “The best thing to do is hide them behind your lips.” Cas made his mouth into an O to demonstrate before putting his lips back on Dean’s cock. He enveloped it inch by inch, his tongue pressing the underside as he went, and pulled off again when he had almost reached the base.

Dean made a throaty growling sound which seemed to spur Cas on. He bobbed his head up and down, sucking on every up-stroke and constantly moving his tongue. Dean placed a hand on the top of Cas’ head, urging him forward. To his frustration, Cas pulled off completely.

“Most people need to practise before they can do this,” Cas said before swallowing Dean right to the hilt. Dean sat up straight in surprise and looked down at Cas, his nose buried in Dean’s pubic hair. Cas glanced up with a questioning look.

“I’m fine,” Dean choked out, “just surprised.”

Cas didn’t break eye contact as he started a low hum that vibrated through Dean’s whole body. He could feel the head of his cock pressing against the back of Cas throat. The mere thought of it almost made him gag himself. He tipped his head back and revelled in the unfamiliar sensation. Eventually, Cas pulled off and Dean gave a frustrated cry.

“Not everyone likes it, but you should try playing with their balls at the same time.” Cas took Dean in his mouth again and started bobbing his head, this time taking his balls in one hand and rolling them in his fingers.

Dean was panting heavily now, holding onto the arm of the couch for support. His need to come was quickly overtaking his desire to prolong the experience. As if sensing it, Cas deep-throated him once more and clamped his tongue down on Dean’s shaft. When Cas looked up and their eyes met, Dean could hold it no longer and came with a long grunt down Cas’ throat.

When Cas had swallowed every drop of Dean’s come, he pulled off the softening cock and leaned back on his heels. “Not bad, huh?” he grinned.

“Nuh,” Dean managed.

Looking mighty pleased with himself, Cas got up and flipped the record (God knows when that had ended) before joining Dean back on the couch. “You okay?”

Dean sat back, his mouth still half open, his dick still hanging out and his hands still held vaguely where Cas’ head had been moments earlier. He was stuck somewhere between euphoria and shock. He looked over at the still grinning Cas and nodded. “I’m fine. That was just…that was awesome.

“Oh Dean,” Cas said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”


	6. Chapter 6

January 2002

Within weeks, Dean was seeing more of Cas than anyone else in his life. He had Math class three times a week, they went to the drop-in centre together three evenings a week and now Dean went to Cas’ house every Tuesday. Those Tuesday nights were quickly becoming Dean’s favourite part of the week.

He’d only been to Cas’ house twice and both times it had consisted mostly of making out on the couch and listening to Cas’ records. Tonight they planned on watching a movie and ordering a pizza after Cas had mentioned he never had time for dinner on Tuesdays. Dean couldn’t help feeling nervous though. He’d decided to ask Cas for a very personal birthday present and, while it was unlikely Cas would say no, he wasn’t sure how to bring it up or what he should say. He was so concerned with sounding like a horny teenager, sometimes he thought it made him sound even more so.

“Are you okay?” Chuck whispered. They were spending their free period in the library with Charlie, Gabe and a few others. Dean however, had spent most of it staring into space.

“Fine, I’m just bored,” Dean whispered back. The librarian had already been over twice to tell them to keep it down and Dean was glad of the excuse not to elaborate.

A few moments later Charlie passed him a note.

_Oh reeeeally?_

Dean looked across the table at her and rolled his eyes. He wrote, ‘Yes, really’ and handed it back to her, flashing a dirty look for good measure. After finding out Dean was meeting the guy he’d kissed at Christmas, Charlie had been grilling him for details. While she knew Dean wouldn’t reveal the guy’s name, she seemed to think he’d be willing to reveal some other secrets. Dean hadn’t seen the harm in telling her the new development, so he told her they’d planned to meet up every Tuesday evening. She passed the note back.

_And this has nothing to do with the fact that tonight is date night?_

Dean let out a small squeak and crumpled up the note, glancing nervously at Jo. “We’ll talk about it later,” he mouthed at Charlie who seemed to get the message. Dean’s next class was Math, and the last thing he needed was to get all worked up and nervous before an hour with Cas.

Outside free periods, Dean didn’t have a lot of time for homework, so he tried really hard to concentrate, but it was no good. He was glad of the distraction when Gabe handed him another note.

_What are we doing for your birthday?_

Dean gave him a grin. His birthday was that Friday and he was yet to make any solid plans. He wanted nothing more than to spend his birthday with Cas, but he knew that wasn’t an option. Cas probably had plans anyway.

_Tell you what. I’m going to leave that up to you._

Dean wrote before adding

_Nothing at my house and nothing illegal._

Gabe’s face lit up when he read the note. He raised his eyebrows and mouthed, “really?”

Dean shrugged and nodded. He didn’t really feel like organising anything himself and he knew Gabe would plan something fun. When Gabe started enthusiastically scribbling notes to everyone else that he wouldn’t let Dean see, Dean started to regret it slightly.

After an English class that felt like it would never end and a Math class that ended all too soon, Dean went to meet Charlie in the cafeteria. He joined her at her table and dumped his lunch out in front of him. “Hi Charlie,” he said, collapsing into the seat opposite her.

“So tell me,” she said as he put down the sandwich she’d been eating and looked at him expectantly.

“I’m doing find thanks, and how are you?” Dean said sarcastically.

Charlie just rolled her eyes. “Spill it.”

Dean sighed, once again deciding it was less effort to just tell her. “You know how me and the guy have been hanging out? Well, we’ve fooled around a bit…a lot actually,” Dean added as he mentally added up the mutual hand and blow jobs.

Charlie nodded, shifting in her seat slightly.

“Well, we’ve never ‘done it’ if you know what I mean.”

“Oh,” Charlie said, “well, it’s only been a month. I think that’s okay.”

“It’s not that,” Dean said, shaking his head. “It’s been really intense and everything, but now I _want_ to go all the way, and I’m going to ask him tonight.”

“Oh my God,” Charlie said, clearly trying to hide a smile. “So what’s the problem? You think he might say no?”

“I’m more nervous about him saying yes,” Dean admitted. “I’m always so worried about disappointing him.”

“But isn’t it all new to him too?” Charlie said, shuffling closer.

“No…” Dean said, “what makes you say that?”

“Oh,” Charlie said, leaning back again. “You told me it would be bad for him if people found out, so I just figured he was some super-hetero jock or something.”

Dean tried desperately to think of something to say that wouldn’t implicate anyone. Luckily Charlie spoke again first.

“Is he the kind of guy who’d try to make you do something you don’t want to do?”

“No!” Dean answered immediately. “Absolutely not. He constantly checks I’m okay. He talks me through everything. He’s a great teach-er.” He stumbled over the last word, wishing he had used any other.

Charlie gave him a strange look but said, “Well then, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

They sat in silence for a few brief moments, contemplating the implications.

“So,” Charlie said suddenly. “Will you…are you gonna…actually, I don’t have anything to say that won’t make me sound like a pervert.

Dean laughed and rolled his eyes. “I better go find Jo before she thinks I’ve fallen out with her,” Dean said and chose to ignore the poignant look Charlie gave him.

-o-o-

Dean arrived at Cas’ house just as the kid he was tutoring was getting into his mom’s car. Dean gave him a polite nod and continued to Cas’ door. He tried to act natural as he rang the doorbell; the kid and his mom were yet to drive away.

Cas opened the door and stood aside to let Dean in. “Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas,” Dean said as he walked down the hall to the living room.

Cas lifted the cordless phone on the way past and they went into the living room. The coffee table had been pulled out and the TV was on for the first time ever.

“Oh cool, is that a plasma?” Dean said, before sitting in what had already become his seat.

“Yeah,” Cas laughed, “A Christmas gift from my brother, if you’ll believe it.”

“Woah, seriously?” Dean said. A new plasma TV that size would have cost at least $4000.

“Yeah, he’s very high up in his company and his gifts are always a little extravagant. Shall we order pizza?” He handed Dean a menu, but Dean pushed it aside.

“Whatever you want will be fine. I can eat anything.” He left out the ‘almost’ since he doubted there’d be come on the pizza.

“Great, why don’t you pick out a movie while I make the call?”

Dean agreed with a slight feeling of apprehension and went to the bookcase. Technically, he knew he couldn’t go wrong when they were all Cas’ DVDs to start with, but he didn’t want to choose something stupid. The variety was huge. There were movies from every possible genre and time period (though from the variety of the movie posters on the wall, he shouldn’t really have been surprised). He decided to just choose one at random and his hand landed on ‘High Fidelity’.

Cas nodded in approval when he held it up. “Sounds good.” He put it in the DVD player and joined Dean on the couch. “Seen it before?”

“No, I uh…” Dean paused, trying to decide if he should tell Cas why. “I tried to see it at the cinema, but they said I didn’t look old enough.”

“Oh God,” Cas said, unsuccessfully supressing a laugh. “Well, you’re in for a treat.”

As Cas pressed play on the remote, Dean shuffled in close, allowing Cas to place an arm around his shoulders. They watched the movie in silence until the pizza arrived twenty minutes later.

While Cas was out of the room, Dean decided it was a good time to make his request. Cas would be distracted and could easily change the subject if he needed to. Cas returned moments later with a beer for himself and a Coke for Dean, and set the pizza on the coffee table.

“Hope you’re hungry! And there’s a pecan pie in the kitchen for dessert,” Cas said as he took his seat.

Dean was momentarily stunned to silence. “I _love_ pecan pie!” he announced.

Cas beamed. “I know. I heard you tell one of the kids at the club.”

“You…you are the best,” Dean said. The pie had thrown him off slightly so he picked up a slice of the pepperoni pizza and took a bite. He watched as Cas rolled his slice and held it up to his mouth. He blew on it gently, his lips forming a perfect pout, before he pushed it inside and took a bite.

“What?” he asked when he noticed Dean staring.

“You always eat pizza so seductively?” Dean said, wide eyed.

Cas looked down at his slice of pizza. “I didn’t realise I was doing it, so yeah, I guess I do.”

Dean laughed. He could just imagine Cas sitting in Pizza Hut eating a pizza like a porn star, totally oblivious to every person in the restaurant staring at him.

“So, uh, Cas?”                     

“Yes Dean?”

“There was something I wanted to ask you.”

“By all means,” Cas said, setting his slice of pizza back in the box. He looked at Dean curiously.

“Well, he began, “This Friday is my birthday.”

“It is? Well, many happy returns!”

“Thanks,” Dean shrugged. “So…what I wanted to ask was…uh, for my birthday, I was wondering if we could maybe…do it.” He finished, looking hopefully to Cas.

“Do…what?”

Dean groaned. Wasn’t ‘do it’ a universally understood expression? “You know…go all the way.”

“Have sex,” Cas clarified.

Dean nodded. It felt weird to him, calling it sex between two guys. Though he couldn’t really remember a discussion of sex between two guys. “Yeah, uh, sex.”

Cas sat back slightly and regarded Dean with his piercing blue eyes. “I’d love to Dean. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

Dean nodded enthusiastically. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot and yeah. For sure.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot too,” Cas grinned. “Okay, well, I’m guessing you have plans for your birthday. Are you busy Saturday?”

This was exactly what Dean had hoped Cas would say. “I usually help out in my Uncle Bobby’s garage on Saturdays, but it closes at five. I’m free then.”

Cas nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, Saturday it is.”

“Actually,” Dean added quickly, “I told my dad I might be staying at Gabe’s on Saturday night, so he won’t be expecting me home.”

A wicked smile spread across Cas’ lips. “So I have you all to myself until Sunday?”

Dean laughed nervously. “Yeah.”

“I’ll make a plan and let you know by text message. No offense, but I don’t want my neighbours seeing you here on Saturday and leaving on Sunday.”

-o-o-

After Friday night, Dean decided to let Gabe plan all his birthdays from now on. He’d organised a huge paintball scrimmage with half the kids from their school, followed by a pool party at Gabe’s uncle’s house. It had been an absolute blast, even if Dean had spent the entire night thinking about Cas.

At one point, he and Jo had snuck into one of the bedrooms so Jo could give him the ‘Birthday Blow-job’ she’d been promising. Dean however, was so distracted he couldn’t even get hard. Eventually they gave up, Dean blaming all the beer he’d drunk.

Saturday at the garage with Bobby was the longest days of Dean’s life. “You got somewhere to be?” Bobby asked after he caught Dean looking at his watch for the twentieth time.

“No, sorry Bobby. I’m meeting a friend after work and I don’t want to be late.” The plan was to meet Cas at the corner of west Avenue and Alder at 5.15. Just enough time for Dean to walk there from the garage after it closed at 5.

“I’m not going to forget close the shop you know. What’s that in your hand?”

Dean glanced at the item in his hand which he’d forgotten he was even holding. “Fan belt,” he replied.

“And where should that be?”

“In the car,” Dean answered sheepishly.

“Wanna put it there?”

“Yessir.”

When 5pm finally arrived, Dean was in such a rush he forgot to take off his overalls until Bobby shouted out the door to him. Dean gave him an embarrassed shrug as he squeezed through the door past him. On the second attempt he left without his backpack and had to go back. By the time he was leaving for the third time, he had to run the whole way just to get there on time.

When Dean turned the corner, Cas was already waiting for him. Dean jogged the last few yards and opened the car door.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting,” he said as he climbed into the passenger seat and fastened his seatbelt. “I was in such a rush I just ended up slowing myself down!”

“It’s okay,” Cas said, “I wasn’t waiting long. Ready to go?”

Dean took a deep breath and nodded.

“You hungry? I thought we could pick up something to eat on the way home.”

Dean grinned. That was exactly what he needed to hear. “I could murder a Big Mac right about now.”

“Seriously? I was just thinking about cheeseburgers,” Cas laughed.

They stopped at McDonalds Drive-Thru on the way back to Cas’. Cas drove his car into the garage and pressed the button to close the door behind him. He led them both in the door to the house and into the kitchen.

Dean had never been in Cas’ kitchen before, or anywhere other than the living room for that matter, but it wasn’t what he was expecting. The units were sleek, gloss black with a black granite worktop with white tiles covering the walls and floor. The whole kitchen was black and white, right down to the sponge beside the sink. Cas set their food down on a black dining table and motioned for Dean to join him.

“This is…modern,” Dean said, dumping his bag by the kitchen door.

“Oh, yeah,” Cas said, looking embarrassed. “This house used to belong to my parents and I inherited it after my dad died a few years ago. My brother offered to get it redecorated for me and I made the mistake of saying yes and…” he spread his hands to indicate the room.

“I like it,” Dean shrugged.

“Yeah, that’s what Lucifer said.”

That gave Dean pause. “Who now?”

“My brother,” Cas clarified.

“You call him Lucifer?”

“That’s his name,” Cas grinned.

‘Castiel and Lucifer,’ Dean thought to himself. “All right then…” He sat down at the table and took his burger out of the bag before handing the rest to Cas.

If Cas eating a pizza had been seductive, Cas eating a burger was more like someone who hadn’t eaten in a month. Dean tried his best to ignore him but he couldn’t stop himself commenting. “God, and I thought watching you eat pizza was sexy.”

Cas almost choked trying to respond. “I’m sorry, I just…really love cheeseburgers, but I don’t get them very often.” He took a very modest bite after that.

“Hey, don’t let me stop you enjoying it,” Dean said, holding his hands up.

Cas snorted, “Please, I’d bite your hand off before I’d let you stop me.” Cas pushed around the fries still in the bag and added quietly, “I could eat you out just as enthusiastically.”

Now it was Dean’s turn to choke on his burger. “What?”

“Nothing.”

When they’d both finished they went into the living room and took up their normal positions on the couch.

“I got you something,” Cas announced, reaching behind the sofa. He held up a huge gift bag with a tag saying ‘Dean’.

Dean blushed. “You didn’t have to do that,” he protested, but accepted the gift with a smile. He set the bag on the ground between his feet and pulled out the contents. “Oh wow, Cas, these are awesome.”

“You were so fascinated by my collection I thought I’d get you started on your own.”

He’d bought Dean three records, all of them ones he’d admired on Cas’ shelf. _Fire and Water_ by Free, _Wish You Were Here_ by Pink Floyd and _Revolver_ by The Beatles. Dean got to his feet, pulling Cas up with him, so he could give the man a hug. “Thanks so much,” he muttered.

Dean pointed towards the record player. “You mind?”

“Be my guest,” Cas said, sitting back down.

Dean put the LP on the turntable and placed the needle on the groove, grinning as ‘Fire and Water’ started playing.

Cas grinned and pulled Dean onto his lap by the wrist. Dean allowed himself to be led and straddled Cas’ thighs. Cas’ hands here on his hips as Dean leaned forward and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck and pulled him closer. That position always have Dean an added thrill. Perhaps because their cocks were so close together, but more likely because Dean wasn’t used to being with someone bigger than him. If he sat on Jo’s lap, he’d be more likely to break her legs.

Cas’ tongue invaded Dean’s mouth, and he reacted in kind, smiling slightly when he heard a moan from Castiel.

They kissed like that until Cas’ legs went numb and he had to move.

“Can I ask you something?” Dean said as he moved to sit cross-legged on the couch.

“Of course,” Cas said, rubbing his thighs to get the feeling back.

“Why are all your records of British Bands?”

“Oh!” Cas said, leaning back and making himself comfortable. “Well, when I started collecting I decided to start small. I focused on British bands because I didn’t realise quite how many there were.”

“But you listen to other stuff too?” Dean prompted.

“Oh God, yeah. My CDs are all in my bedroom.”

Dean froze, the mention of Cas’ bedroom throwing him off kilter. He’d never even been on the top floor of Cas’ house, never mind his bedroom, though he assumed that’s where they’d be going if Dean was to spend the night.

“Would you like to see?” Cas said quietly and Dean nodded in assent.

Cas got to his feet and offered Dean his hand to help him up. Dean took it and climbed awkwardly off the couch. Without letting go of Cas’ hand, he followed him into the hall and up the stairs.

There were four doors on the upstairs landing and all but the bathroom door were closed. Cas opened the first door on the left and stood aside to let Dean in first.

Having seen the kitchen, Cas’ bedroom was exactly as Dean had imagined it. It was tastefully decorated with a wooden floor, roll-top bed and dark wood shelving covering most of the wall-space. The shelves were almost all full of books.

“You read a lot?” Dean asked, looking back at Cas.

Cas rolled his eyes dramatically. “Why does everyone assume I can’t read because I’m a Math teacher?”

Dean laughed, feeling the tension draining from the room. “Bed looks comfortable,” Dean commented, then cringed when he realised how it sounded.

“See for yourself,” Cas said.

Dean tried not to look too excited as he crossed to the bed and sat down on the edge. He gave a few experimental bounces and said, “Nice.”

Cas nodded and came closer. He stood in the space between Dean’s legs and leaned down to kiss him. He combed his fingers through Dean’s hair, tugging slightly to angle him up. He deepened the kiss as Dean clutched tightly to his waist.

Before Dean was even aware it was happening, Cas had pushed him back onto the bed. Without breaking the kiss, Dean scrambled up the bed, getting his feet onto the mattress. Cas leaned over him, leaning on one elbow. With Cas’ whole body draped over him, their legs tangled together, Dean couldn’t help feeling safe. Like he was in good hands.

Cas pushed a hand under Dean’s Henley and stroked back and forwards along his chest. Dean gave a slight gasp each time Cas’ fingers caught one of his nipples.

Dean couldn’t resist lowering his hands to Cas’ ass. He’d never really had the chance before and it had distracted him through many hours of Math class. Cas gave a surprised yelp and grinned into Dean’s lips.

Cas sat up, straddling Dean’s waist, and unbuckled his own belt before opening the fly of his jeans. In one motion he pulled down his pants and boxers. With a wicked grin, he took Dean’s hands and placed them back on his now bare skin.

Dean explored every square inch of Cas’ butt with the pads of his fingers, before squeezing hard on each cheek. Cas let out a grunt and grinded his hips, inadvertently pressing their erections together.

“Oh my God,” Dean gasped, rushing to press his hand against the outside of his jeans where his cock was straining against the fabric.

“Get the fuck out of those clothes,” Cas hissed at him.

Dean was so taken aback by Cas swearing, the rest of the sentence didn’t even register. He was dragged back to reality when Cas started shoving the Henley up his chest. Dean blinked stupidly at him and took over. When he was free of his own shirt, he couldn’t help staring as Cas unbuttoned his and pushed it off his shoulders, revealing a finely toned chest with sharp hip bones and dark pink nipples.

“You okay?” Cas asked, looking more curious than concerned.

“Cas…I think I’m gay,” Dean said seriously, before his grin broke through.

“No shit!” Cas laughed, and shuffled off Dean’s legs to allow him to get his pants off.

While Dean worked on his belt and fly, Cas pulled off his boots and tossed them over the side of the bed before helping Dean out of his jeans. Dean lay back wearing nothing but his boxers and watched as Cas stripped off the remainder of his clothes. Every inch of him was gorgeous and Dean couldn’t help wondering how he’d got so lucky.

Dean had a million questions he was too afraid to ask. He had very little idea of how it was going to work and hadn’t looked it up online in case Dad or Sam found it on the computer. He turned onto his side, facing Cas who had just lay down beside him.

Cas’ smile was reassuring and the kiss he have Dean, even more so. They kissed only briefly before Cas reached over to his nightstand and lifted a bottle out of the top drawer. He held it up to let Dean read the label. Dean blushed when he read ‘Anal Lubricant’.

“Very important,” Cas said and popped the cap. He poured a little onto his fingers and spread it around before he resumed kissing Dean. Curiosity got the better of Dean and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Cas reach behind himself. He could guess what Cas was doing and the thought of it sent a shockwave through his stomach.

Cas exhaled long and hard and Dean pulled back to check he was okay.

“Trust me, I’m more than okay,” Cas said, and pulled Dean back to his lips.

Cas kept fingering himself for several minutes. His little moans and gasps were going straight to Dean’s dick and the nerves he had been feeling quickly became anticipation.

“Hey, uh…can I do that?” Dean asked hesitantly, pointing at Cas’ ass.

“You wanna finger me?” Cas asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Dean said sheepishly, “Is that okay?”

“Fuck yeah, that’s okay!” Cas said. He opened the bottle of lube again and squirted a little onto the palm of his clean hand. Taking Dean’s hand in his, he spread the slick liquid over Dean’s fingers before wiping the rest of on his leg. “Start with two fingers, then and a third when you think I’m stretched enough,” Cas instructed, before turning over so he was facing away and pulling his knees up to his chest.

Dean looked down at Cas ass and the area that was already glistening with slick. He pressed gently on one cheek with his clean hand for a better view before pressing the tips of his fingers into the hole. Cas pushed his ass back towards Dean’s hand and with the added encouragement, he pushed his fingers inside.

They went in much easier than he’d expected. Any contact he’d had with his own asshole had been strictly business and he’d never imagined it could be used like this. He pushed his two fingers in as far as he could reach and held them there briefly before withdrawing completely. He was less careful when he pushed them back in, and Cas’ contented moan made him grin.

“Another,” Cas gasped, and Dean added his third finger. After a few pumps, Cas said, “Turn your fingers towards the front of my body.”

Dean did as he was told and almost pulled his hand away when Cas cried out.

“Keep going, just like that!” Cas panted.

Dean didn’t know why Cas liked it so much (he decided to ask later) but his reaction was making Dean’s erection strain against his boxers. Cas seemed to be right on the edge. His cries were becoming more and more strained and Dean wondered if he was going to come just like that.

“That’s enough,” Cas finally said, reaching round and putting a hand to Dean’s chest. “Fuck, you’re good,” he grinned at Dean as Dean let his fingers slide out.

“Why are you suddenly swearing so much?” Dean asked with humour.

“Because no other words can express what you do to me,” Cas said, still sounding out of breath. “Does it bother you?”

“No,” Dean said quickly, “I kinda like it.”

“Fucking right,” Cas grinned as he reached over to the nightstand and picked up a little square of foil.

“What’s that for?” Dean asked when he realised it was a condom.

“What the hell do you think it’s for?” Cas said as he ripped it open.

“To stop girls getting pregnant,” Dean said, confused.

“Are you serious?” Cas said, dropping his hands to his lap. “What do they teach you in sex ed?”

“Um…” Dean thought about it. “How not to have sex, mostly.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “It’s so neither of us catches anything off the other.”

“Oh…” said Dean, and suddenly everything he knew about gay men and STDs made sense.

“Take your underpants off,” Cas instructed and Dean did as he was asked. He watched in silence as Cas rolled the condom down his shaft and lay down on his back.

“We can do it face to face?” Dean asked.

Cas half-laughed. “Have you had sex with a girl before?”

Dean nodded. It was a lie, but he wanted to save face, even though he knew Cas would see right through it.

“Well, it’s exactly the same. The hole’s just a little lower, so…” He pulled two pillows from the head of the bed and arranged them under his hips, giving Dean a perfect view of his hole.

Dean crawled forwards on his knees to line himself up with Cas, and the other man pressed his heels into the small of Dean’s back.

“Now,” Cas practically whispered and using his hand, Dean guided his cock inside Cas.

It was like nothing Dean had ever experienced. When he was fully sheathed, it felt tighter than anything Dean had imagined. When he began to pull back out, Cas clenched around him, like he was trying to keep Dean’s cock inside.

Dean gave a few experimental, shallow thrusts before getting into a rhythm. Cas reached an arm forward to pull Dean towards him and Dean went willingly. Cas hooked his arm behind Dean’s back and pressed them together so their chests were touching. It changed the angle of penetration and Dean had to roll his hips to keep up the pace.

“Oh my God,” Cas cried. “Yes, like that. Oh God Dean.”

Dean couldn’t help the grunts he let out with each thrust. Nothing had ever felt this good…at least until Cas started pushing his hips forward with every thrust. Dean could feel Cas’ cock pressing against his stomach between them, and his hand went to it. He wrapped his fingers tightly around the head and started pumping in time with his thrusts. Their eyes met and Cas looked completely wrecked. Dean could just make out the word ‘coming’ on Cas’ lips before Cas’ orgasm hit and he came with a yell.

Cas clenched down even harder on Dean’s cock. Dean sat up on his knees and pulled out almost completely with each thrust. When he felt his orgasm building he buried himself as far as he could and grunted as he came deep in Castiel’s ass.

He all but collapsed on Cas, the other man easing him down until their chests were touching. Neither spoke for several moments until Dean got his breath back and broke the silence. “Definitely gay,” he announced.

“Thank God,” Cas said. “Otherwise this would have been really awkward.

Cas gently eased himself off Dean’s cock and pulled off the condom for him. He tossed it onto a Kleenex on the other nightstand and lay back down on the bed.

“Next time, can I…uh…” Dean paused, not knowing the correct terminology and too embarrassed to just say it. “Can we…swap places?”

“Really?” Cas asked, his face lighting up. “I didn’t know if you’d want to, but yeah! For sure.”

“Does it hurt?”

Cas shrugged. “It can, but don’t worry. I won’t rush you. We’ve got all night, remember?”


	7. Chapter 7

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Cas laughed as Dean pushed him into his classroom. Dean had come to the school on a bus full of his classmates, but as soon as he saw Cas loitering around in an empty corridor, he’d told Gabe he was going to take a leak and made a break for it.

Dean hadn’t been here since he left his last Math class ten years ago, but it hadn’t changed much since then. The desks were still laid out the same way and Cas’ desk still sat in the corner of the room beside the blackboard. “Wow, this brings back memories,” Dean mused.

“Good memories?” Cas asked.

“Mostly,” Dean admitted. “After we broke up the memories weren’t so great.”

Cas nodded sadly. “I know what you mean.”

“So...” Dean said, gesturing towards Cas’ desk. “You gonna fuck me over your desk sir?”

Cas’ expression darkened. “Oh, so it’s going to be like that huh?”

Dean shrugged and gave him a grin. “I haven’t done my homework Mr Novak. I’m sorry.”

Cas grinned back. “Sorry isn’t good enough Dean. This is the third time this month. I’m afraid it’s going to take a bit more than sorry this time.”

“What should I do sir?” Dean said innocently.

“Come with me,” Cas said, cupped his hand around the back of Dean’s neck, and led him to the desk at the front of the room. “Bend over Dean.”

Dean bent his knees slightly and lay over Cas’ desk, curling his fingers around the far edge for support. “Like this sir?”

“Perfect,” Cas breathed. “Wait right there, just like that.”

Dean tried to keep his breathing under control. He could already feel his cock straining against his pants, pressing against the side of the desk. He looked over his shoulder trying to see what Cas was doing, but he was poking around in a cupboard and was hidden from view. Moments later the cupboard was closed and Cas walked into Dean’s line of vision. Dean looked up at him without lifting his chin off the desk and saw he was hiding something behind his back.

“There’s only one thing for it Dean. We have to make sure you won’t do it again don’t we?”

Dean nodded, unable to do much else.

Cas produced a yard stick from behind his back and grinned. “It’ll have to be a caning this time. I think ten should do it.”

Dean’s eyes widened. When he was a teenager he’d had this exact fantasy. It was like Cas had read his mind.

“Okay?” Cas said quietly looking Dean in the eye.

“Oh fuck yes,” Dean practically whispered.

The edge of Cas’ lips quirked slightly and he walked behind Dean. He ran a hand gently over Dean’s clothed ass, squeezing gently on one cheek before bringing the yard stick down sharply.

Dean flinched and let out a cry, more from the shock than the pain.

“Count,” Cas ordered.

“One,” Dean choked out. The second strike hit him in the same spot as the last and he could hear Cas grunt as he swung the ruler. “Two! Three! Four! Five! Six!” Each word was followed by another strike. Dean’s cock was hard enough to pound nails and he could feel the front of his boxers damp from precome. There was a pause after the sixth and Dean thought perhaps Cas was going to stop.

Suddenly Dean felt Cas’ weight against the back of his legs and he reached around Dean’s waist with both arms. “Gotta see that gorgeous ass of yours,” Cas whispered in his ear as he unbuckled Dean’s belt and opened the fly of his trousers. When his had grazed Dean’s cock, Dean couldn’t help feeling embarrassed at how hard he was. Getting an erection from getting spanked wasn’t exactly something to be proud of.

“Look at that, already hard for me like a good boy.” Apparently Cas disagreed. He whipped Dean’s pants and boxers down to his knees in one quick movement and cupped Dean’s abused ass with both hands. He took up his stance behind Dean, yard stick at the ready. “Only four more.”

The first strike on his exposed ass hurt more than Dean was expecting and he let out a high pitched squeal. The remaining strikes came in quick succession, for which Dean was grateful. He’d never let anyone spank him before, never mind caning, but he would definitely be doing that again.

He stood up stiffly and turned to face Cas, only to be pushed back against the desk.

“Had enough yet?” Cas said, almost pressing his lips to Dean’s but not quite.

“Yes Mr Novak! Please, I won’t do it again!” Dean whispered, out of breath.

“That’s what you said last time Dean, so I’m having a hard time believing you,” Cas said, taking a step backwards and folding his arms. “It’s going to take a little more to prove you’ve learned your lesson.”

“Please sir, I’ll do anything! I can’t get detention again, my parents would kill me!” Dean said, feigning innocence.

“Well let’s start by getting you out of those clothes,” Cas said firmly.

Dean hesitated, glancing at the door. Cas followed his gaze and gave a little nod before going to a desk drawer and lifting out a key. “Thought it would be a good idea to get this off the janitor,” he grinned. “You never know when you might need some privacy!”

As Cas locked the classroom door, Dean stepped out of his shoes and the clothes that had pooled at his ankles. He pulled off his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt. Cas came over to help. “I used to love watching you undress,” he mused as he pushed Dean’s hands aside and opened the rest of his buttons. “Your body was so perfect...still is.”

“You kidding?” Dean said, “I was all gangly and bony. You were so built and...masculine.”

“It probably seems like that to you now, looking back...” Cas said as he pushed Dean’s shirt off his shoulders. “On the desk, on your back.”

“Yes Mr Novak,” Dean said quietly before doing as Cas asked. He pulled his knees to his chest and held them there, presenting his ass to Cas. “Like this sir?”

Cas came over and stroked his hands over Dean’s calves. “I like when you call me sir.”

Dean snorted. “That’s not what you used to say!”

“That’s because back then it made me sound like a creep. Now it’s hot.”

Dean laughed. “I guess I never thought about it like that. I used to do it to annoy you!”

“I know,” Cas said, narrowing his eyes. “Now, let’s see...” He stood with his hands on his hips for a moment, looking around the room before going for his desk drawer. When he came back into view, he was holding a tube of hand cream. “This should do.”

Dean watched, open-mouthed, as Cas squeezed some of the cream onto his hand and spread it over his fingers. He threw his head back and relaxed, allowing Cas to work him open. Dean had never trusted anyone else to do this for him. The few times he’d agreed to bottom, he’d always insisted on fingering himself first.

“Still so tight Dean. Do you remember the first time I did this?”

“Mmm,” Dean hummed. “Just another way you changed my life sir.”

Dean felt Cas press his thumb down on his perineum as he slipped in a third finger and rocked his hand back and forward.

“You were so innocent back then. So naive.”

Dean couldn’t help laughing. “Yeah, and you fucked that right out of me, didn’t you?”

“Oh God...” Cas laughed. He spread his fingers slightly and Dean’s ring stretched around him. “Oh fuck, do you have a condom?”

“Oh, uh...in my wallet. In my pants pocket.” Dean pointed to the floor and craned his neck to see.

Cas dug through the pile of clothes Dean had left beside the desk. He picked up Dean’s wallet and checked the pockets and pulled it wide open. “You sure?” he asked.

“I guess not,” Dean said, disappointment spreading through him. There was a moment of silence as both avoided saying what both were thinking. Dean placed his feet flat on the desk and pushed himself up on his elbow to see Cas’ face. “Clean as of last month,” he said suggestively.

Cas considered him before a grin spread across his face. “Three,” he said. “You sure about this?”

“Definitely,” he said throwing himself down on his back again. Eleven years later and he was still having firsts with Cas.

Finally, Cas opened his fly and pulled his cock out. He didn’t bother removing any of his clothes as he spread the makeshift lube over his cock.

Dean closed his eyes and let out a long sigh as he felt the unmistakable glide of skin on skin when Cas pushed into him. “Oh yeah, that feels good,” he mumbled, more to himself than Cas.

Cas placed his hands on Dean’s hips and jerked him right to the edge of the desk so he could get as deep as possible. With a quick nod from Dean, Cas started circling his hips, sliding in and out of Dean. He closed his eyes and threw his head back, as he started pumping into Dean in earnest.

“I’m so sorry Mr Novak, I’ll never forget my homework again,” Dean whined, remembering the fantasy.

“You’re going to remember this for a long time aren’t you, you little shit?”

“You’ve no idea,” Dean said with a laugh. He could feel the fabric of Cas’ pants on his ass and he suddenly felt very exposed. The thought went straight to his cock. “Can I touch myself sir?”

“You wanna pull on your little prick huh?”

When Dean was a teenager, a comment like that would have utterly mortified him and killed the mood. Now however, he was deeply aroused by the humiliation. “Please sir!” He was starting to feel like he might come untouched.

“No, you don’t deserve to get yourself off. You’ll come when I decide you’ve learnt your lesson.” Cas growled.

Dean couldn’t help the whimper that escaped his lips. “Please...” he panted.

“You look so unbelievably hot writhing and begging on my cock Dean,” Cas said in a whisper.

“Thank you sir,” Dean said automatically before realising how dumb that sounded. It just seemed to spur Cas on.

Cas’ rhythm became erratic as he approached his climax. He gave a few long deep strokes, almost lifting Dean’s hips off the desk. He took Cas by surprise when he grabbed Dean’s cock and started jacking him furiously.

“Oh fuck,” Dean shouted as he arched his back and spurted come over his stomach.

“Good boy,” Cas said, using the same hand to spread the come over Dean’s stomach and chest. “Missed seeing you covered in come.”

“Fill me with your come Cas, wanna feel it,” Dean gasped, barely able to speak.

Cas kept pistoning his hips rapidly until finally he stilled and Dean felt his cock jerk inside him.

“Oh my God Cas, I can feel it. I can feel your come!” The hot liquid was almost soothing. He felt like he might pass out. Before he had the chance, Cas hooked his arms around his shoulders and pulled him up into a sitting position, hugging him close.

Dean responded by wrapping his arms and legs around Cas and squeezing him close. ‘Don’t ever leave me’ he felt like saying. ‘Let’s stay like this forever’. Instead he said, “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve had that exact fantasy.”

“God, me too,” Cas said. He pulled away slightly so they could kiss. Dean moaned slightly as he felt Cas slide out of him without their lips separating.

While Dean gathered his clothes and got dressed again, Cas just sat on his chair and watched. “You really filled out, didn’t you?” he observed lazily.

“You calling me fat?” Dean laughed.

“Far from it...though I don’t think I’ll be asking you to sit on my lap any time soon.”

Dean snorted and reluctantly looked at his watch. “I better get back to the bus back to the hotel or they’ll leave without me,” he sighed.

“Me too,” Cas said. “Want me to go first?”

That brought back memories. Dean wondered if Cas really thought leaving separately was really necessary or if he was just saying it out of habit. “Nah, fuck it. Let’s just go together,” Dean said grinning. “I don’t care if anyone thinks I bagged the hottest teacher in the school. We’ll be the talk of the reunion!”

Cas laughed. “Uh huh. That’s what I’m afraid of!”

Dean made it back to the yellow school bus just before the rest of the group arrived. He found Gabe and Charlie at the back of the crowd.

“Hey guys, how was the tour?” Dean asked casually.

“Dean!” Charlie said, “Where the hell did you go?”

Dean shrugged. “Found something better to do,” he said and glanced involuntarily at Cas standing by his car. Gabe and Charlie both followed his gaze.

“Oh my God,” Charlie exclaimed, pointing at Cas.

“It was Mr Novak…” Gabe muttered, wide-eyed.

 Dean didn’t bother hiding his grin. “Gabe, I’m going to stay in the hotel tonight, but I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay…” Gabe said, looking from Dean to Cas.

“I’m gonna get a ride back with Cas, see you at the dinner?”

“Cas?” Was all Gabe could manage.

“Yeah, see you then,” Charlie said. “And there will be _questions_!”

Dean practically skipped to Cas’ car and ruffled his hair before climbing in the passenger side door. A surprised Cas followed suit.

“Call your brother and tell him you won’t be home tonight. I already got us a room.”


	8. Chapter 8

May 2002

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Cas said as he lifted Dean onto the desk behind him.

“Oh come on, it was practically your idea,” Dean grinned, wrapping his arms around Cas’ neck.

Cas had been talking for weeks about how Coach Roth would be off work sick for at least another month and how his office would be empty and how fooling around at school would be so hot. Eventually Dean couldn’t listen to it any more and dragged Cas into the Coach’s office one afternoon.

“Come on sir, bend me over the desk and fuck me, quick,” Dean whined before kissing Cas’ neck.

Cas groaned, “Please stop calling me sir, it really creeps me out.”

Cas had been telling Dean for months not to call him ‘sir’, but Dean couldn’t help himself. It seriously turned him on and getting Cas worked up always seemed to work in Dean’s favour.

Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’ thighs and pulled him closer. “You better shut me up then.”

Cas didn’t need to be told twice. He cupped the back of Dean’s head and pulled him into a frantic kiss. It felt like he was trying to get his tongue right to the back of Dean’s throat. Dean resisted with his own tongue and tried to bite Cas’ bottom lip.

Without warning, Cas replaced his tongue with two fingers and pressed down on Dean’s tongue. Without instruction, Dean sucked on Cas’ fingers, covering them in as much saliva as he could. Dean hadn’t exactly given Cas time to get supplies, so that was going to be as much lube as he’d get. Cas just watched on and gently thrust his fingers in and out of Dean’s mouth.

With a wink, Cas withdrew his fingers and flipped Dean onto his stomach. Dean let out a squeak of surprise.

“Gotta be quick,” Cas muttered by way of explanation and pulled down Dean’s jeans and underwear to just below his ass.

“Get on with it then,” Dean complained as Cas stroked his fingers up and down the crack of his ass.

Gently at first, Cas pushed his first finger inside, adding a second moments later.

Dean moaned at the pain, but encouraged Cas to keep going. When Cas’ fingers were in as far as they could go, Dean started to relax. He glanced back just in time to see Cas spit straight into his hole. He started moving his fingers around, spreading them occasionally and working him open as fast as he dared.

“That’ll do man, I can take it,” Dean said breathily, “Just do it.”

“Condom?”

“In my pants pocket,” Dean said, shaking his right foot to help Cas find it. He grinned when he heard the familiar sound of the condom wrapper and grunted as Cas’s fingers disappeared from his ass. He didn’t have to wait long before he felt the blunt head of Cas’ cock nudging at his hole. Cas pushed in slowly at first, but when he realised Dean was loose enough to take him, he bottomed out in one quick stroke.

Dean could hear the voices of students walking past, right outside the door. His classmates would be amongst them. A small part of him hoped Gabe or Charlie or even Jo would walk in on him like this. Full of their Math teacher’s cock.

Cas started thrusting into him rough and hard, and Dean had to bite down on his hand to stop himself making too much noise. The pace Cas had set was brutal, and each thrust pushed the desk forward until it hit the bookcase behind it. Cas’ hands were on Dean’s hips but as he quickened the pace, he moved his hands to Dean’s shoulders, pulling him down onto his cock and going deeper than Dean thought possible.

Dean’s own cock was being pressed harshly against the edge of the desk, still restricted by his boxers. He reached for it awkwardly and pushed his boxers down as much as he could at that angle. He encircled his dick with his fingers and allowed the motion of Cas’ thrusts to push him through the ring.

After just a few pumps on his cock, Dean was coming with Cas’ name on his lips. He let out a long grunt and clenched his ass around Cas’ cock. Cas’ rhythm slowed and he let out a ragged breath as he came not long after Dean.

Cas placed his hands on the desk on either side of Dean’s shoulders to hold himself up and panted heavily. Dean winched slightly as he pulled out.

Dean was having trouble speaking and he assumed Cas was too. Neither said a word as they cleaned themselves up and Dean wiped away the come he’d splattered on Coach Roth’s desk.

“I look okay?” Dean asked finally. He stood in front of Cas and spread his arms for inspection.

“You look a little flushed,” Cas said, “but passable. What about me?”

“You don’t look any more dishevelled than usual,” Dean smirked.

Cas nodded. “I’ll go first, you follow in a few minutes.” He gave Dean a quick kiss on the way past and slid out the door.

Dean sat down behind the Coach’s desk and bided his time. He’d decided it was time to tell Jo the truth and end it with her. She was bound to know something was wrong. A seventeen year old shouldn’t have as much trouble getting it up as he did! He knew she was going to take it badly. Who wouldn’t? But now that the decision was made, he was eager to get it over with. They were meeting after school for coffee, so Dean used the time to practise what he was going to say a couple more times.

Five minutes after Cas had left, Dean grabbed his backpack and slipped through the door. Coach’s office was on the same corridor as his locker, so he stopped to deposit some books before meeting his friends for lunch.

Dean jumped when his locker slammed shut in front of him.

“What were you doing in there?” Gabe said, nodding towards the door of Coach Roth’s office.

Dean’s heart stopped. Had Gabe seen Cas leaving too? “I just wanted some place quiet to call my Dad.

“What?” Gabe said, looking confused.

“He’s home sick, I was making sure he was okay,” Dean said. “What are you doing here?”

Gabe gave him a look of what might have been concern. “Dude, we have Lit in like, five minutes.”

“Oh,” Dean said, looking at his watch. He’d missed his whole lunch break.

Gabe glanced over his shoulder and leaned close to Dean. “Why was Mr Novak in there with you?”

Dean felt his face go red. There’s no way Gabe would have guessed what was going on, but Dean knew his reaction was making him seem guilty. He thought fast. “Mr Novak was using that office to get some work done while Coach Roth is away and he let me use it ‘cause he knows Dad’s home sick. Why are you asking me so many questions?”

Have eyed him sceptically. “Because there’s something you’re not telling me and it’s making me jump to weird conclusions. If something was going on…something serious, you’d tell me wouldn’t you?”

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Dean assured him. “Can we just get to class please?”

-o-o-

After school, Dean drove himself and Jo to the café near where they lived. They’d started a lot of dates there, so it was perhaps fitting that it was where they’d have their last.

If Jo didn’t know something was wrong before, Dean’s demeanour was bound to be giving it away. He could barely bring himself to look at her and they’d barely spoken since they got in the car.

Jo took a seat in a booth near the window and Dean went to order for them. When he sat down with their drinks, Jo’s face was grim. She took a sip of her coffee and said sadly, “We’re about to break up, aren’t we?”

None of Dean’s planned conversations had started like that so it took him a moment to recover. He stared into is iced tea and nodded. “I think we should, yeah.” he said without looking up.

Jo sighed and slumped down in her seat. “I knew it was coming, I’ve known for a while, but I hoped we were just going through a rough patch.”

Dean saw tears in her eyes, and the feeling of regret was almost too much to handle, but he powered through. “Look Jo, I want you to know, this is nothing to do with you.”

Jo snorted but let Dean continue.

“I would really miss being your friend. I hope it doesn’t mean we won’t still hang out,” Dean said hopefully.

Jo rolled her eyes. “Where are you getting this? The Big Book of Breakup Clichés?”

“I really mean it though! You’re such a great girl and an awesome girlfriend!”

“And you’re breaking up with me because...”

Dean sighed, realising he’d lost control of the situation. “I don’t know what to say,” he confessed.

Jo studied him for a moment. “There’s someone else,” she said. It wasn’t a question.

“It’s not that,” Dean said carefully. He realised he was on thin ice. “There’s something I should tell you, but I’ve only told one other person and I don’t want it to get out. Not yet anyway.” Dean’s heart was racing. Was he really going to do this?

Jo looked curious, but her frown was fixed. “Dean, you know I can keep a secret.”

Dean nodded and took a breath. “I’m gay.”

Jo stared at him for a second before she burst out laughing. It wasn’t exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for. When his expression didn’t change, Jo went quiet. “You’re serious?”

Dean shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Oh, I’m sorry…” Jo said, “It’s just…you? Gay? But you’re…into girls.”

“When was the last time I showed any interest in a girl?”

A look of realisation crossed Jo’s face and she let out a long ‘oh’. “Actually…I guess that’s kind of a relief. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me.” She stared into her coffee for a moment before asking, “Is there a guy?”

Dean considered lying but then realised this whole exercise was about telling Jo the truth. “Yeah, there’s a guy.” He couldn’t help the smile that played across his lips.

“Who is it? Could I kick his ass?”

Dean snorted. “That’s not really my secret to tell. I don’t know if he wants to come out yet. Please don’t tell your mom. I don’t want this getting back to my dad until I’m ready.

“I wouldn’t,” Jo said seriously.

“We good?” Dean asked hopefully.

“Not yet,” she said with narrowed eyes, “but we will be.

-o-o-

“I broke up with Jo,” Dean told Cas. He was sprawled out on Cas’ couch with his head on Cas’ lap as they watched TV.

“When?” was all Cas said.

“Last week.” Dean closed his eyes as Cas started absent-mindedly playing with his hair.

“Good for you Dean, I’m sure that was difficult. What did you tell her?”

“The truth…mostly,” Dean said. “I told her I was gay. And that there’s a guy. Not who.”

“Probably for the best. How’d she take it?”

“Surprisingly well actually,” Dean admitted. “Better than I deserved. I shouldn’t have let it go on so long.”

“That’s good,” Cas said, “and has it given you the confidence to come out to anyone else?”

Dean hesitated, not really sure if he should tell Cas any more. “I was seriously considering telling my dad, but then he said something that sort of scared me out of it.”

“Huh? What did he say?” Cas said, turning Dean’s head to see his face.

“It was about you actually,” Dean said as he sat up. “He made a comment about how much time I spend with you and how much I talk about you.”

“Really?” Cas said. There was concern in his voice.

“Yeah, he said if I was a girl he’d be worried.”

“He said that?” Cas said, starting to sound really worried.

“Yeah, I mean, he was joking, but it still freaked me out,” Dean shrugged.

“Yeah,” Cas agreed. “Let me know if he makes any more comments like that, okay?”

“Okay,” Dean agreed and went quiet. He tried to go back to watching TV, but he could feel Cas’ eyes on him.

“There’s something else,” Cas said.

Dean felt his face flush. “No there isn’t,” he said in what he hoped was a firm voice.

“There is, what’s wrong?”

Dean sighed. He could see where this was going and he really didn’t like it. He couldn’t lie to Cas though. Cas always knew when he was hiding something and it was pointless trying. “You know my friend Gabriel?”

Cas nodded.

“He saw us both leaving Coach Roth’s office last week.”

“Oh my God,” Cas said, sitting up a little straighter. “What did he say? What did you tell him?”

“He asked if I was hiding something from him. I said you were just using Coach Roth’s office while he was away and I snuck in to call my dad.”

“Good…that’s good,” Cas said, relaxing slightly. “You know, one of my neighbours actually asked me about you too.”

“Really?” They were always so careful when Dean visited Cas, he’d hate to think someone had seen him anyway.

“Yeah, she made a comment on how late you stay on Tuesdays and apparently she saw me drive you home a couple of Sunday mornings.”

Dean had been spending more and more Saturday nights with Cas and Cas always gave him a ride home. “Oh God, what did you say?”

“I said I was tutoring you and that you don’t have your own car so sometimes I drive you. She seemed to accept it.”

They sat in silence for several minutes. Both had agreed early on that if anyone even commented on them, they would break it off immediately. Dean wasn’t going to bring it up and he stubbornly thought if he didn’t say anything, Cas wouldn’t either.

“Dean,” Cas said eventually, scrubbing a hand across his face, “We talked about what we’d do in this situation.”

Dean felt like he might be sick and his eyes began to sting with tears. “No. No Cas, please.”

Cas groaned. “Dean, don’t. You know we have to.”

Dean shook his head, afraid to speak in case he cried.

“It’s too much of a risk. We’ve been through this before. You know what I could lose.”

Logically, Dean knew it wasn’t his decision to make. Cas was the one taking the risk, it should be in his hands…but getting angry felt so much easier. “No, it’s fine. Forget it. I understand. I’m not with the risk, right?” Dean got to his feet and looked around for where he’s taken off his boots.”

“Dean, don’t be like this. You know it’s the right thing. When you’re a little older—“ He stopped dead and looked at Dean apologetically.

Dean didn’t even try to hide the shock on his face. “Older? Maybe when I’m grown up like you I’ll be mature enough to fuck my students too!”

Cas slumped back like he’d been punched. “It’s not like that and you know it,” Cas said quietly.

Dean huffed out a breath, tears running down his face now, and stormed out of the house.

He barely remembered the drive home and the red mist that fogged his vision. He pulled into the driveway and marched into the house, straight upstairs to his room. He slammed the door behind him much harder than he meant to and collapsed on his bed.

He shouldn’t have told Cas about his dad and Gabe. If he’d kept his mouth shut he’d still be lying curled up against Cas on his couch right now. Dean pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes to try and stem the flow of tears, but it was too late. Moments later he was fighting to breathe through the sobs.

“Dean?” Sam must have heard him storming around the house and was now standing outside Dean’s door.

“Go away Sam,” Dean said in the steadiest voice he could manage.

“What’s wrong?” Sam sounded really concerned and Dean felt a little guilty for trying to get rid of him.

“I’m fine! Just leave me alone.”

“I’m coming in,” Sam said firmly.

Dean groaned and turned his back on the door. He heard Sam enter the room and sit down at the desk.

“Talk to be Dean. What happened?” Sam said quietly. “Did you break up with Jo?”

Dean had confided to Sam and Dad that he planned on breaking up with Jo. Neither had seemed surprised. “Yeah,” Dean said, “Last week.”

“So this is something different,” Sam concluded. “Is it another girl?” he asked after a pause.

“Screw it,” Dean said, “I don’t have any secrets to keep any more. It was a guy.”

“A guy?” Sam said, confused. “You mean one of your friends?”

Dean sat up and turned to face Sam. “No Sam, I’m saying I’m gay. You know what that means don’t you?”

“I think so,” Sam said. There was no hint of surprise or judgement on his face which gave Dean confidence.

“It means I feel about boys the way most guys feel about girls,” Dean clarified.

Sam looked like he was thinking it through and nodded.

“I was seeing a guy…and now I’m not. And that makes me sad.” Dean looked up at the ceiling out of fear he might cry again.

Sam got up and joined Dean on the bed. Dean could see the cogs in his head turning as he tried to process all the information Dean had just dumped on him. Before Dean knew what was happening, Sam embraced him in a rib-crushing hug. “That’s horrible Dean. I hope you can feel better soon.”

“Thanks Sammy,” Dean whispered.

“So,” Sam said, releasing Dean, “You had a boyfriend.”

Dean half-laughed. Describing Cas as his ‘boyfriend’ sounded downright bizarre. “I guess.”

“And did you and him like…kiss?”

“Yeah…” Dean said hesitantly.

“Ewwww!” Sam shouted and covered his eyes.

Dean couldn’t help laughing. “That’s what you said when I told you I kissed my girlfriend too!”

“That’s ‘cause it’s gross,” Sam said seriously.

“I keep telling you man, soon you’re going to change your mind.” Dean already felt a little happier. He’d never expected to spend the rest of his life with Cas, but the man had become a huge part of his life. Seeing him at school was going to be really awkward…but it was almost Summer and the time away from him would be good. “Hey, uh…don’t tell Dad yet, okay?”

“Sure,” Sam shrugged. “Why not?”

“I just don’t know how well he’d handle it. It’s harder for older people sometimes.”

“Okay, whatever you say,” Sam said before adding, “Are you going to be okay?”

Dean honestly felt like he’d never be okay again. He felt like his heart was missing from his chest. Like someone he loved had died. He smiled though and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I’ll be just fine Sammy.”

 

Present (Epilogue)

Dean turned to look at the man sleeping beside him. This whole weekend had been like a dream. And to think he hadn’t even wanted to come. He combed his fingers through Cas’ hair and leaned over to kiss his forehead. Cas stirred slightly but didn’t wake.

“Cas,” Dean said quietly, “Wake up buddy. We have a goodbye breakfast to go to.”

Cas responded with a drawn out “No”.

Dean snorted. “Come on, after this you won’t have to see any of them again for a whole ten years.” He got himself out of bed and searched the floor for the clothes he’d thrown off the night before.

“That’s the problem,” he heard Cas mutter from the bed behind him.

“Huh?” Dean said, turning to look at Cas who was now sitting up against the headboard.

“After today everyone’s going to leave and get back to their normal lives…even you.” Cas said sadly.

Dean sat down on the edge of the bed with his back to Cas. “Yeah…I guess I should. Except…”

“Except?” Cas repeated curiously.

“I’ve been thinking. There’s something I’ve been meaning to do and couldn’t find the right time to do it,” Dean said. He wasn’t sure how much Cas would like what he was about to say and he was doing his best to make it sound like he wasn’t rushing into something.

“Which is?” Cas prompted.

“I’ve been meaning to open a shop in Lawrence…now feels like as good a time as any.”

Cas crawled across the bed and crouched beside Dean. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I’m going to have to stay in town at least until it’s up and running. I’ll have to set up a warehouse nearby, and a store to work from…I’ll be here at least another couple of months. After that…who knows?” He turned to Cas and grinned. So what if it was a snap decision? That didn’t mean it was a bad idea.

“Are you serious?” Cas asked, wide-eyed.

“Yeah,” Dean said and hesitated before adding, “And you and I…you think we could, you know…”

Cas looked like he was thinking it over. He swallowed hard before nodding. “Nothing would make me happier.”

Dean felt like he might cry. He’d spent eleven years wondering if he and Cas could ever get back together and now here they were…

Cas leaned over and kissed Dean. “Maybe uh…maybe you should check with reception and find out if this room is available for another night,” he said, sounding almost shy.

“I will, but we really do need to go to that breakfast. After that we can have the whole day to ourselves.” Dean grinned.

“It’d be nice to take you out to an actual restaurant for a change,” Cas mused.

Dean smiled at that. He’d almost forgotten he and Cas could go on dates in public now. “Pizza Hut?”

“I was thinking somewhere a little fancier,” Cas laughed.

Dean grinned. “I didn’t spend ten years getting a boner every time I ate pizza to watch you eat salad.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

“So hey,” Dean said, “can I tell people about us now?”

Cas thought about it for a second before nodding. “Not about our relationship from before if you don’t mind. I could still get in a lot of trouble for that.”

“Of course,” Dean nodded. He hadn’t realised until years later just how serious what he and Cas had done was. Knowing what Cas had risked always made the thought of having lost him that little bit more painful. He cleared his throat and stood up swiftly. “Now, I need breakfast so hurry up and get some clothes on.”


End file.
